Beautiful Mess
by SparkELee
Summary: 30 years in the future... Meet Meredith and Derek's daughter... Only catch is, he doesn't know about her.
1. Chapter 1

This is a little different. Its set 30 years in the future. Meredith has a daughter and a granddaughter now. The story starts when Meredith's daughter Claire finds out that her mother was in a near fatal car crash in Seattle.

Beautiful Mess

"Ava, we're home baby. Time to wake up." Claire Grey whispered softly to her young daughter sleeping in the back seat. The blonde haired, green eyed child barely stirred. Sighing, Claire shut of the engine, grabbed her purse and got out of her car and circled around to her daughter's door. She lifted the sleeping child and carried her into their small home in Boston Massachusetts. "Now would be a wonderful time for that useless father of yours to show up." She muttered, trying to balance everything.

Work had been exhausting. 30 year old Claire was a social worker for the state. A thankless job, both monetarily and spiritually speaking. When she started out 6 years ago, she'd loved her job. Now, she barely cleared forty grand a year. A lot to a single girl in an apartment, next to nothing with a 5 year old and a house payment. She could almost hear her mother. _"The medicine will always take care of you. No matter what you do. You are always guaranteed a job."_ She's scoffed at her mother and retorted that she'd always have a job in social work. Which was true, but the field hardly took care of her. Far from it. She sighed again and hoisted her daughter to her other hip and unlocked the front door.

No sooner had she gotten in, the phone rang. Rolling her eyes, she made her way to the phone. "Hello?" She asked after the 3rd ring. "Claire Grey please." A crisp voice rang out over the line. "This is she." She replied, shifting her purse and child. "This is Jennifer Teals. I'm calling because we just brought your mother into Seattle Grace Hospital in critical condition. She was in a car accident. I'm afraid it's rather bad." The woman told her. Claire's purse clattered to the ground. "I'm on my way." She muttered and hung up the phone.

Twenty minutes later she was out of the house and speeding toward Boston Airport. She got them there in remarkable time, less than half an hour. At the ticket counter she handed over her credit card, wincing at the $400 ticket to Seattle. Good thing her daughter was still under 7, which was when she'd have to start paying for her to fly.

An hour later they were on the plane. Her narcoleptic daughter was out within minutes, leaving her to suffer in silence. Claire stared out the window for the entire flight, lost in thought. She'd never gotten too close to her mother. Meredith worked exceedingly long hours first as an intern, then as a resident, and now as the chief of surgery. She'd been raised by her mother's friends. Izzie, Alex, Cristina, Preston, and George. All of them loved her desperately, after all, she was their best friend's daughter. But, the person she'd always needed most, her mother, was hardly ever around.

As Claire had gotten older, she'd startd confronting her mother on the hours she worked. All her mother ever said was _"Don't bite the hand that feeds you. My long hours are making the life you like to live, possible. You might as well get used to it, you're going to go through the same thing as a surgeon."_ Her mother had always assumed Claire would be a surgeon, would follow in the footsteps of her mother and grandmother. No such luck. As soon as she got to school, she became a Psych major and had her Master's in Social Work by the time she was 24, much to her mother's dismay.

But then, it wasn't like Claire wasn't used to being a disappointment. It was the story of her life. First her mother didn't approve of the college she chose, then it was the major she chose, where she chose to live, the man she chose, and that she chose to get pregnant. Then, her boyfriend chose to leave her. And her mother tsk tsked her and said _"I told you not to stay wit that man. He was bad news from the beginning."_ And now her mother was laying in a hospital, dying. All petty issues aside, it was still her mother.

6 hours after that, they landed in Seattle. She'd called Izzie and Alex at the airport and her mother's friends were waiting right outside the airport when they arrived. "Oh Claire." Izzie whispered as she wrapped her best friend's daughter in a hug. Alex followed suit. "Lets get you to the hospital." Alex said, herding them to the car as Izzie swept Ava up in her arms.

The ride was a silent one. They knew how Claire felt about her mother. Hell, everyone knew. But, she couldn't leave her to die alone. Alex pulled up to the hospital and they made their way in, that feeling of dread growing stronger with every step.

It was weird being back. She hadn't been inside Seattle Grace in a long time. Her mother was pretty famous here, and that made Claire famous by proxy. Alex and Izzie led them up to her mother's room as quickly as possible.

6603. 6th floor. Intensive care. Never a good sign. "We'll take Ava back to our house. We rented you a car to get back your mom's when you're done. Call us whenever you want us to bring Ava over." Izzie said as she handed Claire the vehicle paperwork and a set of keys. Claire could do little more than nod.

She straightened her clothes and pushed through the door. Her mother had more tubes coming out of her to count. "Oh mom." Claire whispered, kneeling beside the bed. Her mother's eyes were bruised and closed. "She's actually doing better." A voice came from behind her. She turned to find Preston and Cristina. "Hey guys." She said, a small smile forming on her lips as she strode over and gave Preston a hug. Cristina wasn't much for touchy feely, so Claire was rather surprised when Cristina pulled her into a hug. "She looks so small." She whispered in Cristina's ear. "She might be small, but she's strong. She'll make it." Preston promised as Claire pulled back from Cristina. She nodded, trying to keep the tears at bay. "We'll leave you be." He continued as he ushered Cristina out.

She sat by her mom's bed for several more hours. "You need food and something to drink. Go." A gruff voice commanded, shaking her out of her daydream. She looked up into the eyes of Dr. Bailey. She smiled a little and nodded. "Same old Dr. Bailey." She whispered as she left the room, the elder woman close behind.

"All right, she's gone. Go ahead." Dr. Bailey murmured to a door. The door opened and Derek Shepard came out from behind it. "Thanks Miranda." He said and slipped into Meredith Grey's room. "Oh Mere. Look at you. What did you do to yourself kid?" He said when he saw her. He wanted to touch her but he was too afraid. He thought back to the day before when Miranda had called him.

_"Honestly Shepard, I wasn't sure if I should call you, but I felt that she'd want you to know. There's really no easy way to say this. Meredith Grey was in an accident this morning. She's in intensive care." _ His entire world stopped turning. His New York apartment seemed to close in on him. Not her. Not now. He'd thrown his clothes into a suitcase and was at JFK within the hour.

"I left her Mere. I know that doesn't matter now. But I did. It took me 5 years but I did it. By the time I left her, you were with someone else… I'm so sorry." He wept quietly.

Claire was making her way back to her mother's room and just as she was about to push the door open, she heard a voice. A male voice. "I'm so sorry." He said quietly. She backed up a step. She'd never known a man to ever be in her mother's life, with the exception of Alex, George and Preston. Hell, she didn't even know who her father was. Her mother raised her as George's daughter and that was the closest thing to a dad she had, but whenever Claire asked about her father, Meredith closed up and said she didn't want to talk about it, that it was the past and unimportant. She snapped out of her memory when she heard the man start towards the door. She ducked into the empty room next to her mom's and watched the man leave. Tall, dark hair, a dusting of grey in it. Chiseled jaw. Very dreamy for his age. "Go mom." She muttered as she went back to her mother's room.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!


	2. Like We Never Loved At All

Hope you're enjoying…!

Here's some clarity for you, in case you're confused.

George is NOT with Meredith….. Yet(?)

Derek left SGH soon after Addison returned.

George was the father figure in Claire's life (even though she doesn't call him dad)

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 2

Like We Never Loved At All

Derek Shepard pulled Dr. Bailey aside after he was sure the girl was gone. "That's Meredith's daughter?" He asked her as they shut the door to her office. She nodded. "Is she George's?" He pushed. Bailey didn't answer. "Miranda." He said. "You don't have the right to ask any questions Derek. "This isn't my business Shepard. If you want answers, get them from her. Not me." Bailey told him before exiting the room, leaving Derek standing there. He stood at the window, looking over the parking lot. "She doesn't' really look like George…." He muttered to himself as he gathered his stuff to leave.

Claire had returned to her mom's room minutes before visiting hours ended. "I know you're special kid, but if I don't kick you out…" Bailey warned, sticking her head in the door. She smiled kindly at the woman. "I'm moving, I'm moving." She replied and starting gathering her stuff.

"Looks like I caught you in time." A voice said from the door. She spun around. "George!" She exclaimed jumping into his arms. He was the closest thing she had to a father. "Hey kddo!" He said, wrapping her in a tight hug after kissing her lightly on the cheek. They broke apart after a moment. "How's life?" He asked as he took a seat next to her mother. "OK I guess. Work's tough. I don't make nearly enough money, but that's what I get for not going to into medicine." She said, casting a look towards her mom.

He looked over his eyeglasses at her. _God, she looks so much like him…_ "Claire, she's laying in a hospital bed unconscious. Is it really necessary to take shots like that?" He asked softly. Her expression changed dramatically. She shrugged. "I guess not." She replied, looking at the ground. They were silent for several moments.

"How're you holding up?" She questioned George, raising her eyes to meet his. He had a far away look in his eyes. "Ok, I guess. It helps that she's here and I can check on her whenever I have the opportunity." He said quietly. "Must be easy when you're Chief of Staff." She teased softly. "So you heard? I was surprised. I figured after all this time that it would go to someone younger." He went on. "You deserve it. You've more than paid your dues here." She responded.

"Listen Claire. As much as I love you, and love seeing you, that's not the only reason I stopped in." George said. Claire's eyes met his, questions clouding her deep blue eyes. "Outside of fracturing her skull and puncturing a lung,your mom broke both her legs in 3 places on the left and 2 on the right. She fractured 4 vertebra, and broke her left arm. She's going to need a lot of home care and physical therapy. Now I've taken the liberty of checking with Social Services here at SGH and there are some positions available-" He started.

He eyes narrowed considerably. "Hold it. You want me to move here! Are you crazy! Can't someone else take care of her? She has you, Izzie, Alex, Preston, Cristina… Surely you all can look in on her." Claire suggested. "Claire, I'm Chief of Staff, Izzie's in charge of the NICU, Alex is running his own practice, Preston is head of neurology, and Cristina is running. We can't watch her full time, and that's what she needs. It can't just be someone looking in on her, it's got to be all the time." George went on.

Claire sighed. "I have to work to." She pointed out. "You can work from home. You only have to be in the hospital for certain cases. Claire, you're her daughter. Be a good one." He pleaded.

Anger and frustration boiled out of her eyes. "Yeah, well, she's my mother, but it doesn't mean she was a good one!" She spat as she once again gathered her stuff and stormed out. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes as she made her way out of Seattle Grace as quickly as possible. She was so pre-occupied with herself that she didn't notice the striking resemblance she bore to the man exiting the elevator next to her. He however, noticed her.

_Definitely not George's. Doesn't look a thing like him. Must be someone else's. Dark wavy hair. Deep blue eyes, finely chiseled face… She kind of reminds me of me….!_ Derek stopped cold in the parking lot. The woman looked at least 30. Derek did the calculations in his head. _Oh My God. She was pregnant when I left!_ These thoughts were swirling around in his head as he watched the young woman hop into a modest sedan and take off in a direction he knew all too well. It was the way to Meredith's house.

REVIEW!


	3. Dirty Little Secret

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 3: Dirty Little Secret

Claire pulled up to her mother's expansive house and sat in the car, unmoving. She hadn't been here in years, hadn't had a desire to be here. "You have to go in." She told herself. After several more minutes, she willed herself out of the car and into the house that she loathed.

It hadn't changed much in the years since she'd been gone. Very well lived in, a bit cluttered, but not messy. Her mother had perfected walking the line between messy and cluttered. Claire on the other hand, was an entirely different story. She was a bit of a neat freak, probably rubbed off from Izzie. She surveyed the house. Cleaning calmed her, it made her feel better. And right now, Claire desperately needed to feel better.

She started with the kitchen. Coffee cups piled in the sink, newspapers all over the place, her mother's reading glasses. She did the dishes, threw out the papers and stashed the glasses on the microwave wear her mother always attempted to keep them. Onto the living room.

Her mother's favorite blanket was rumpled on the couch, the remote buried in it. Medical journals piled on every available table top. Her mother's movie collection was all over the place. She straightened that room and breezed through the dining room and downstairs bathroom. Time to tackle upstairs.

The guest bedroom (previously belonging to Izzie until she moved out and in with Alex) was in decent condition, no need for any real cleaning in there. Her mom had kept her word and Claire's room was just as she'd left it several years before, neat and untouched. Now for her mother's room.

She'd never spent much time in her mom's room. It was like her mother's sanctuary, and she'd always sensed her mother needed that so she left it alone, until now. She twisted the knob and opened the door. Her mother's gigantic 4 poster king size bed was on the back wall, towards the middle. There were at least 4 sets of scrubs on the ground, a couple of lab coats, tennis shoes, under garments, the list went on. She quickly gathered all the dirty clothes and shoved them into he mother's hamper.

Next she changed the sheets on her mother's giant bed, a task for one person, but it made her feel useful. And if there was one thing Claire hated, it was being useless. She straightened her mother's vanity next. She grabbed the clean laundry out of the corner and started putting it away and hanging it up. It was when she stuck a sweater on the top shelf of her mother's closet that her hand hit something. She couldn't see it so she grabbed her mother's desk chair and extracted a box. "M/D" was all that was written on the carton. "Never seen this before." She muttered aloud as she sat down on the bed and opened the flaps and started on the contents.

The first thing out of the box was a white men's button down shirt. It smelled faintly of a musky men's cologne. She tossed it on the bed. Next was a box of Muesli cereal. "Well, now that's just weird mom." She said aloud to no one in particular. Next came "Say Anything." Claire raised her eyes at this. "What, is she into Voodoo or Seances or something?" She questioned under her breath as she peered into the box. One item remained. A grin broke across Claire's face. She knew this book.

She'd seen her mother read this brown leather bound book a hundred times. But she'd never been allowed to so much as touch it and now it was right in front of her. As Claire had gotten older, she used to go looking for it whenever her mother left the house, now she knew where her mother hid it. She lifted it out slowly. "Should I read it?" She asked herself. Without even answering herself, she cracked it open to find her mother's handwriting. It was a journal! She leaned back on the bed and began to read.

_**February 21, 2005**_

_**I just finished my first 48 hour shift! What an amazing, incredible rush! Met a guy a few days ago. Derek Shepard. We met at a bar, and well, he came home with me. Tried to get rid of him. Turns out he works at SGH! Not only does he work there, he's an attending! My boss's boss! Worst of all, I tried to avoid him and told him I felt it was inappropriate and he asked me out! The nerve… He is dreamy though.. Very charming, but it's wrong.**_

_**February 27, 2005**_

_**We kissed in the elevator! It felt so good, so right, but yet it's so wrong! He asked me if I wanted to go out with him even after I said no, he's my boss. Then he so tactfully pointed out he's my boss's boss, as if I didn't already know that How arrogant. How hot…**_

_**March 11, 2oo5**_

_**Horrible evening! I came home after a long ass day only to find my house full of people I didn't even know! So I rolled with it. Got drunk on tequila, danced in my front yard, and had sex with Derek Shepard in his car! Oh, and we got caught by Dr. Bailey! My career is over….**_

Claire's jaw as on the ground. Needing a brief break from the intensity of whatever this book was, she picked up the phone and called Izzie. "She's been asleep for hours." Izzie reported as soon as she picked up. "Let us keep her. We haven't seen our grandkids in ages. She'll be OK." Izzie pleaded. Claire smiled into the phone and agreed and said good night to Izzie and picked the book up.

_**March 22, 2oo5**_

_**He's practically living here and I've never even seen where he lives… I've been sleeping with him every night and I don't even know his middle name, or his parents names or his family for that matter. He actually had the nerve to call this a relationship!**_

_**March 23, 2005**_

**_I take it all back! Derek Shepard is wonderful! I'm writing this from his bed! In his place! Granted, it's a trailer, but it's cute. It fits him. He left me the most amazing note this morning before he left for his run. I'm going to keep it in this book, It's kind of become our book now…_**

**_Mere-_**

_**Good morning! I couldn't resist letting you sleep. It took me ten minutes just to leave the room because I couldn't stop watching you. You are a beautiful woman, I love watching you sleep. The way you get all tangled up in the sheets, how you spread your entire body across the whole bed… I love how your hair goes every which way. You truly are a beautiful sleeper. I'm rambling, but I'm just so happy you're in my life. You make me whole. I'll never stop thanking you for that.**_

_**Derek**_

_**April 2, 2oo5**_

_**He's married! Un-freaking-believable! Should have known it! It was too good to be true! And to think, I was letting myself fall for him… How could I have been so stupid!**_

"April 2005… Oh my God, she was already pregnant with me! This man is my father!" She exclaimed.

Hope you're enjoying! REVIEWS!


	4. I Don't Feel Like Loving You Today

OK brief change in occupations, Burke and Cristina are running the ER at SGH. Just for clarification.

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 4: I Don't Feel Like Loving You Today

Claire sat on her mother's bed in a stunned silence. The book contained hundreds more entries about Derek, this Addison woman, her mother's pregnancy, various relationships her mother had been in and out of, and entries about Claire herself. It was all just too much. She pushed the book away, onto the floor. She couldn't look at it anymore. It was a part of her mother that she didn't want to know existed.

Claire slept fitfully that night. She woke up several times, that is, if you could call what she was doing sleeping. Finally, around 7 am she pulled herself out of bed and trudged to the bathroom. She had the shower going within seconds and stood under the comforting hot spray for at least half an hour. She felt somewhat more human as she climbed out of the stall. She wrapped herself in a towel and stood in front of the mirror, wiping the steam from it as she peered at her reflection.

Her long wavy brown hair stuck to her neck. Her eyes stood out brightly against her slightly pale face. She didn't look much like her mom, save for the pale complexion. _Must look more like this mystery father._ She mused to herself as she left the bathroom and headed to her room for some clean clothes.

20 minutes later she was dressed in comfortable jeans, a soft white, slightly clingy sweater and brown boots. She dried her hair and added a few light touches of make up. She'd been debating taking Ava up to the hospital. Everyone knew who Claire was and no one had met Ava yet, so there was bound to be some notice taken. But she wanted her daughter to know her grandmother, no matter how much it pained Claire. With that, she got her purse, tossed the book in, grabbed some of Ava's things, her car keys, the directions to Alex and Izzie's and headed to the Karev household.

It was a fairly large home set in a sprawling neighborhood. She knocked on the door, expecting Alex or Izzie to answer. Instead, it was a tall man, light brown hair and dark brown eyes, and an olive complexion. "Hi, do I have the right house? I'm looking for my daughter…." She trailed off as her daughter charged into sight. "Mommmyy!" Her five year old screeched, flying into her mother's arms. The man in front of her laughed. "Looks like you have the right house." He told her with a laugh. She looked at the man again, closer this time. _Oh my… Is, is this Ian!_ She was sure it was. "Ian?" She asked tentatively. "Claire?" He asked back, a grin spreading across his face. "Oh my God! I haven't seen you in ages!" She exclaimed, a big smile spreading across his face. "It's been way too long. You're looking good though, seems like 30 agrees with you." He teased with a smile. She grinned and shifted her daughter in her arms. "Oh please, you're a year younger. Don't talk to me like I'm old." She retorted playfully.

"Come on in, my parents are upstairs getting Ava's stuff together. Do you want some coffee or a bagel or something?" Ian asked, leading them inside. Before she could respond, her stomach growled. He laughed a little. "I'll take that as a yes." He said with a grin. _Good lord, look at him! I guess that's what you get when you mix a model with Ale! I don't remember him looking like this 10 years ago! _She thought as she sat down in the kitchen. Ava took off when she realized she had more time. Claire heard her rambunctious 5 year old's footsteps above her. "So how are you?" You're mom told me you were a social worker on the east coast." He said, handing her a cup of coffee with hint of cream. _He remembered how I take my coffee after all this time…._ She marveled as she took a sip, nodding her agreement to his assessment. "What about you?" She asked. "Lawyer. Medical malpractice." He replied with a sly grin. She laughed out loud.

"You're kidding!" She exclaimed. "Nope. I wasn't made for the medical field. That was always Jamie and Chris's field, not mine." He said referring to his younger sister and brother. "How are they?" She asked. "Jamie is fantastic. She loves Stanford. Chris is at Harvard, plowing through at top speed." He replied, sitting down next to her. He was so close, she could smell his aftershave. He smelled amazing. "So don't tell me you still live at home." She teased, elbowing him in the side. A very muscular side. He grinned. "Temporary. I'm having a house built a few miles from here. Should be done within a few weeks." He replied. "How wonderful for you! I always knew you'd do well." She responded. He smiled and thanked her. Silence fell between them. "I'm really sorry about your mom." He said after several quiet moments.

She cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Thanks. I'm going to be heading up there after this. I want Ava to meet her, in case, you know…" She trailed off. "Visiting hours are over at 8. Why don't you meet me for dinner at 8:30? Catch up. Maybe I'll even show you my house" He suggested. "That's her bedtime. I can't keep her up that late." She said with a sigh. "My parents will watch her." He suggested. "I can't ask them to do that. They had her all last night." She protested. "Cristina and Preston. Or even George. One of them can take her. I'm sure they're chomping at the bit to spend some time with her." He suggested. She shot him a sidelong glance. "I'll see what I can do." She said at last. "Fantastic! I'll pick you up at your mom's at 8:30." He said, standing. "What should I wear?" She asked. "Something dressy, but somehow I doubt that there's a dress that can do you justice. But, there's a new Italian place I want to check out." He said, slipping his little compliment in, hoping she noticed.

She noticed, she just didn't let on. "Great! I'll see you then. I better go get my daughter before your parents decide to adopt her." She replied as she headed upstairs. She found Izzie on the floor with Claire in a bedroom at the end of the hall. "Ava honey, go potty and get your stuff together. We're leaving in a minute." Claire told her daughter. After shooting Izzie a woeful look, she headed out. Izzie started picking up Ava's toys. "Was anyone going to tell me my father was Derek Shepard?" Claire asked. Izzie froze. Claire yanked the book out of her purse and dropped in on the floor. It hit with a hard thump, making Izzie jump. Izzie looked up into eyes that could only belong to Derek Shepard's child.

"It… I'm sorry… It wasn't our place Your mom, she, she didn't want you to know. There was so much more to it than what you read in this book. Your mom was… She was really, she was in a lot of pain. And she didn't want you to know about all of this and how it happened. I'm sorry, I just, I can't tell you more. It has to come from your mother." Izzie finished. "Does everyone know? George? Alex I'm sure knows. What about Cristina and Burke? Do they know too!" She demanded. Izzie averted her eyes. "Of course they do. They were all there." Claire said, answering her own question. She picked up the book and called for Ava. "I'm sorry." Izzie said, coming to her feet.

"I know it wasn't your fault. I know you didn't make the choice. But try being in my shoes. Try having everyone around you know the truth, except for you." Claire retorted as she headed down the stairs. Izzie stood at landing, watching her best friend's daughter. "I understand." Izzie replied. "No Izzie. You don't. You know who your father is. Your kids know who their father is. Don't tell me you understand." Claire calmly replied right before shutting the door behind him. Below her, next to the stairs was Alex and Ian. Ian looked confused. "What was that all about?" he asked his father. "She knows." Izzie told her husband, ignoring her son's question. Alex nodded.

"Knows what?" Ian asked impatiently. "Claire just found out who her father was and that we knew about it all along." Alex said to his son. "You guys knew?" Ian questioned. Both of his parents nodded. "And everyone else knew?" He pressed. Again they nodded. "And no one ever told her? She had to find out on her own?" He went on. Two nods again. "I'd be pissed too." He told them after a moment, turning on his heel, heading back to the kitchen.

She was at the hospital within minutes. She gathered her daughter and made a beeline for her mother's room. She managed to get by without anyone really seeing or taking notice of her. She pushed her mother's door open, ushering Ava in. She settled her daughter on the floor with a few toys, she picked up her mother's charts, flipping through it. She might not be a doctor, but she could read a medical chart. "No change huh ma? Not even after the visit with the cute man yesterday?" She sarcastically asked her mother's sleeping body. "I know I'm supposed to be nice and supportive and help you. Well mom, I don't really feel like loving you today. Sorry." She snapped, her voice cold and emotionless. "Found your journal." She went on, sitting down next to Meredith. "You have a whole lot of explaining to do when you wake up. Who Derek Shepard is, for starters." She told her mom, leaning back, steepling her fingers, staring at her mother, willing her to wake up and explain.

"Maybe I can help." A voice said from the door. Claire's head snapped to the direction of the voice. "I'm Derek Shepard." The man said, coming into the room.

READ AND REVIEW

P.S. I don't know if you all have been keeping up with my chapter titles, but they're songs….

Anyone care to guess the singers? Get them right and I'll share some of my ideas for the future of this story with you! You don't have to do it, but its fun!

Chapter 1: Beautiful Mess - ?

Chapter 2: Like We Never Loved At All - ?

Chapter 3: Dirty Little Secret - ?

Chapter 4: I Don't Feel Like Loving You Today - ?


	5. The One

CONTEST INFO: ONE OF YOU CAME CLOSE BUT MISSED THE FIRST CHAPTER!

1 – DIAMOND RIO

2 – FAITH HILL/TIM MCGRAW

3 – ALL AMERICAN REJECTS

4 – GRETCHEN WILSON

THANKS FOR PLAYING!

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 5: The One

Claire's breath caught in her throat. She couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think. She looked at the man responsible for her deep blue eyes, fantastic bone structure, her dark wavy hair… her gaze was glued to him. She was staring so intently that it was starting to make him nervous. He cleared his throat and she snapped out of her reverie.

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and I can't promise I have all the answers, but I'll certainly try. All I ask is that we not do it here, in front of her." He said at last, nodding toward her mother. Her eyes went to her mother, then her daughter. "I can't… I can't just leave her here without any supervision and I know she won't be able to sit still long enough to talk…" She said, regret and exhaustion filling her voice.

"I'm sure we can find someone around here to watch the little munchkin." He replied, his eyes drifting to his…. To his granddaughter. The very thought of the words threatened to bring tears to his eyes.

She weighed the idea in her mind. She didn't exactly want to expose her daughter to all these people, but on the other had, this man was her father. The latter consideration won out. Silently, she gathered Ava's toys together. "I'll see if I can find George." She said quietly as they walked out of the room, Derek casting one last look at Meredith.

It didn't take long for them to find George, as he was standing at the nurse's station filling out a chart. He glanced up and a smile lit up his face. That is, until he saw the man walking with Claire. His face twisted in shock and surprise. He stood there motionless as they approached. The man he despised more than life itself was walking toward him, with the closest thing to a daughter and granddaughter George had. She approached first, Derek and Ava hung back.

"What are you doing with him!" George demanded as he took hold of Claire's arm and steered her out of earshot. She wrenched her arm from his grasp. "He's my father. That's explanation enough." She snapped. "Claire-" He started. "Don't George. There is absolutely nothing that you can say to make this better. You knew about this, about him. And believe it or not, I understand why you kept it to yourself. But he is still my father and I still want to know who he is." She told him, her voice scarcely above a whisper.

George exhaled a long, deep sigh after a moment and nodded. "Will you take Ava? We're going to go sit in the cafeteria and talk and I don't think she'll sit that long." Claire continued. George was silent for a moment. "Of course." He told her, his voice filled with defeat. He'd never turn Ava away. Claire leaned over and pecked George's cheek. "Thank you." She whispered quietly. 2 minutes later, he was leading Ava down the hall to his office.

Claire silently followed Derek to the cafeteria and took a seat while he ordered two coffees. He sat down across from her and took his time sugaring his coffee. Finally, he looked up and identical blue eyes met. "What happened to you? Why didn't you know I existed?" She asked at last.

Derek sighed. "That one, well, your mother probably knows better than I do. But I'm pretty sure I can guess. But to understand that, you have to understand mine and your mother's relationship." He started, stirring his coffee. "So make me understand it. Humor me. I've lived the first 30 years of my life without you, the least you can do is explain." She suggested.

Derek obliged the young woman. "She was a first year intern when we met. I was an attending, 10 years older than her. We met at a bar my first night here. She'd only been there two weeks. We were drunk, we ended up sleeping together. The next morning, she booted me out 30 seconds after I introduced myself to her." He began. Her mouth turned up at the corners and her eyes crinkled as her laughter filled the air. At that exact moment, he could swear it was Meredith sitting there.

"Karma got both of us, because we both worked here. I was an attending in the Neurology department. I was her boss. I was her boss's boss actually. We tried, or really, she tried, to stop this 'relationship' from happening. But it did. I fell for her. She made everything in life simple. She re-ignited my passion for my job. I was in love with life again." He continued as his eyes took on a faraway look. He seemed to be in another world. "What happened?" Claire prodded. "My wife showed up." He answered abruptly killing the happy mood.

"You were having an affair with my mom?" She exclaimed. "Yes and no. Addison - my wife at the time, and I were separated. She, she cheated on me when I lived in New York. With my best friend actually. I walked in on them. I turned around and left. Didn't look back." He went on. Claire's brow wrinkled in confusion. "She came to Seattle for a consult. Initially, we were going to sign the papers. But, I hesitated. I shouldn't have, but I did. I felt a sense of obligation, I felt like I owed it to myself to stay, to try to make it work. I was with her for so long, I thought it should count for something. So we agreed to give it a shot. She finished her consult and we went back to New York." He finished.

"I have a step mother?" She asked at last. Of all the questions or comments she could have made, that was the last thing he expected. "Not anymore. I divorced her 5 years after I left Seattle." He answered. "She never called you and told you?" Claire questioned. "Your mom, well, I'm not entirely surprised she didn't call. She always felt like she had something to prove. So I guess she felt she needed to prove that she didn't need me. Knowing your mother, she probably didn't want any ties to me." He replied.

"It would have been nice having a dad. A real dad." She told him quietly. He leaned forward. "Your childhood… What was it like?" He asked.

She smiled. "Not terrible. Izzie and Alex got married and she moved in with him. George got a place of his own. Cristina and Preston married a couple years later. They all had a hand in bringing me up. Izzie taught me how to cook and clean. Alex coached my softball team. Cristina taught me how to stand up and be myself. Preston taught me to appreciate the finer things in life. He was my sounding board. And George, well he was the closest thing to a dad that I had." She finished softly. "What about your mom?" He asked. She met his gaze. "She was around. Not much. She loved me, but she always looked like it hurt her to look at me. Now I know why." She replied. He smiled at her. "I can see why. You look like me." He said.

"Are you married?" He asked. She shook her head. "Ava's, well she's the product of a bad decision. But I wouldn't trade her for a different outcome." She told him. "She looks like Meredith." He went on. She smiled. "She acts just like her too. Mom wants her to be a surgeon. She sends her books, tapes and when she visits, she's even worse." Claire answered.

"You aren't a surgeon?" He questioned. She shook her head. "Social worker. Went against the grain. Always did. Mom and I didn't have much in common. We clashed a lot. So I guess it was a good thing she wasn't always around." She said with a dismissive shrug.

They were silent for several long minutes. They sat, drinking in each other's presence. "Why are you here?" She asked. **_Just like her mom, no sugar coating._** He smiled wryly. "Miranda Bailey called me." He replied. "That's not exactly an explanation as to why. That's how you knew." She pointed out. He swallowed and mulled over how he was supposed to answer that. "After I left her, Addison I mean, I came back looking for your mom. She was in a relationship at the time. And, well, I went back to New York without ever seeing her. But I never once stopping caring about her, thinking about her, loving her. I thought about her every day. Not an hour went by and your mom would cross my mind in some way or another. When I got the call that she was in the hospital, there wasn't even a question. I was coming here. If she wakes up, I will do everything I can do to convince her that I love her and want her and want to be with her, that I'm the one." He finished. The silence hung in the air as both of them drank in his words.

"Is mom going to be OK?" She asked finally. "She's tough, she just really needs to wake up." He told her honestly. Claire nodded. "George said that if she wakes up, she's going to need a lot of care, a lot of physical therapy. He wants me to move here, he got me a job." She told him. He was silent for a long moment. "I realize this may sound selfish, but I think you should stay. Not only for your mother's sake, but, well Claire, you've been around for 30 years and I'd like to get to know you." He told her honestly. Claire was about to respond but was cut short. "Derek, Claire, she's awake." It was Bailey. They looked at each other and raced for the door.

REVEWS!


	6. Forever Love

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 6: Forever Love

They reached Meredith's room within minutes. They both stopped just short of the door. Their eyes met. He took a step back

and leaned against the opposing wall, crossing his arms over his chest. As frightened as he was for Meredith, he realized the

gravity of the situation and what it could do if he walked in there with **_their_** daughter in tow. "You should go in by yourself. She

doesn't know I'm here and I think that both of us in the same room would be a lot to take 5 minutes after she's woken up."

Derek said.

"When are you going to see her?" She asked, her hand on the door. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'll see how she is tonight and go from there." He answered after a moment. She nodded, reaching into her purse, pulling out a business card.

"This is my card, I'm staying at my mom's, she lives-" She started, but Derek interrupted.

"I'll make use of the card, but I know where your mother lives." He reminded her softly. She blushed softly, and in that

moment, she was her mother. She disappeared into the room before he could say more.

Claire's heart was slamming against her rib cage, threatening to burst through. She hadn't seen her mother in over 2 years and

now she was facing her alone in a hospital room. She took in a deep breath and stepped into the room. Her mother looked up.

"Claire." She greeted weakly, beckoning her daughter to her. She stood at the door, uncertain of what to do. Her mother had

the decency to look uncomfortable at her daughter's reaction.

"How are you feeling?" Claire asked after a moment.

"Like I got hit by a bus." Her mother replied shortly.

Both women were silent for a long moment. Meredith took the opportunity to really look her daughter over. _She's thin…. _

_Too thin. She must not be eating like she should be. She looks so much like him. And it wouldn't be so bad, but she acts _

_like him too._

"Where's Ava?' Meredith questioned after the long silence. Claire moved cautiously to the chair farthest from her mother's

bed and sat down.

"She's with George. They're spending some time together." She answered.

"You shouldn't put her off on others Claire. She's your daughter, your responsibility." Meredith told her.

_Do not yell at your mother while she's lying in a hospital bed. Do not tell her that she's a crazy hypocrite. Just try to _

_be nice to her, at least until you get your information. _She plastered a smile to her face as she nodded. "I know mom, but

George is like a father to me and a grandfather to Ava." She ventured softly. Her mother flinched slightly at her daughter's

words. _Should I push it?_ "Mom… I found your book." She continued. Her mother's head came off the pillow.

"Take it easy mom." Claire commanded, jumping to her feet. Meredith exhaled as she laid back against the pillows.

"I suppose you read it" Meredith said at last. Claire grimaced at the accusation. She thought about feigning ignorance, but

decided against it.

"I did." She answered calmly.

"Why?" Her mother questioned. Meredith raised her eyes at the daughter that was the carbon copy of her father.

"Because I wanted, needed, Hell, because I deserved answers! He's my father! Christ mom, can't you see that! Just because

you grew up without your father doesn't mean I should have had to!" Claire exclaimed angrily.

Meredith laid quietly against her pillows. "There were circumstances…." She started.

"I know there were circumstances. You wrote about them. I know that he was married and that he left. That was no excuse

for not telling ME mom. God, not to mention everyone I KNOW and grew up with knew about this ALL ALONG!" Claire shot

back.

George came through the door at the end of Claire's outburst. "Maw-Maw!" Ava shrieked at the sight of her grandmother.

Meredith was temporarily distracted by her one and only grandchild. George took the opportunity to reprimand Claire.

"Claire, she just woke up. Do not do this now. She is on shaky ground with her health and yelling at her about Derek is not

going to help. I think we need to let her get some rest, especially after that." He informed her, his voice low with frustration. She

stared defiantly at the man who'd been the only father she'd ever had.

"Ava, let's go. Mommy is hungry and tired." She told her daughter, her eyes still on George. Ava reluctantly climbed down

from Meredith's bed and came to her mother's side. "We'll come back tomorrow." She said to her mother as she pressed a kiss

to her mother's cheek. Meredith nodded and stroked Ava's head as she said goodbye.

George looked over at Meredith's fragile frame. He smiled softly at her as he flipped her chart open and skimmed through her

paperwork. "She hates me you know." Meredith said after a long moment.

He hooked the chart back on the end of her bed. "She doesn't hate you." He said earnestly, taking her hand as he sat down

next to her.

Meredithshook her head indisagreement. "Yes she does. She has every right to. I wasn't a good mother. I was no better

than my own." She continued wearily.

"Meredith, now's not a good time to be getting worked up. You need your rest." He told her, squeezing her hand for

emphasis.

She was too tired to argue, just nodded slowly as her eyes slowly slid shut.

Claire and Ava made their way towards the exit of the hospital. They were almost out when they ran into Cristina and Preston.

"Leaving so soon?" Preston asked.

Claire nodded shortly. "Mom and I got into it over my father. You might know him? Derek Shepherd? Ring a bell?" She

asked sarcastically. Cristina and Preston exchanged looks.

Claire sighed tiredly. "Look, I'm sorry. That was a bit uncalled for. I'm just stressed. This is all too much right now." She said

apologetically.

"You need to get out, get away from this hospital and all the things going on with your mother." Preston suggested.

"Well, I did run into an old friend. We're supposed to go to dinner tonight, but I can't just leave Ava." She explained.

"We'll take her. We haven't seen our grandkids in ages." He offered. Cristina nodded her agreement.

Claire smiled appreciatively. "Thanks. I'll drop her off around 7 then?" She suggested. They nodded in agreement and went

on their way. Claire and Ava went on to their car.

She dropped Claire off at 7, along with all her overnight essentials. After questioning them several times about it really being

OK that Ava stayed, they sent her on her way. She was home by 7:15.

After a quick shower, she surveyed her reflection in the mirror. It had been ages since she'd been on a date and her nerves

proved that. She plugged in her blow dryer in and set to work.

An hour later, she'd finished her hair and makeup, and settled on a simple knee length black dress, mostly because it was the

only dressy outfit she had thought to bring with her. She slipped her feet into her 3" stiletto heels and grabbed her black purse.

Clicking off the upstairs lights, she headed down to wait for Ian.

Derek was sweating bullets. It had been years since he'd ever been this nervous. It was nerve wracking. He glanced at the

clock. It was 7:30. Visiting hours were over in half an hour. He'd been sitting outside her room, staring at the door for several

hours now. Miranda Bailey passed by him. She was a little rounder, a little grayer, but still the same Bailey.

"You are going to actually have to go in at some point." She said as she walked pass.

He scatched his head and gazed at her door. "I know. I just don't want the shock to overwhelm her and cause problems." He

responded after a moment.

Bailey raised an eyebrow at him. "She's fine Shepherd. She has been all afternoon. Her vitals are normal, she's alert, having

conversations. She's already had paperwork sent down!" Bailey protested.

He didn't say anything. He knew he was stalling, putting off the inevitable. Truth be told, he was scared out of his mind. He

didn't know what he'd have done if he'd lost her, and now he couldn't even go in there and tell her that.

Bailey watched, waiting for him to react. When he didn't move, she sighed and grabbed his arm, effectively yanking him to his

feet. "Get up, go in there and tell her you love her, that you can't live without her. That's what you came here to do, isn't it? You

have a child and grandchild with this woman! The least you can do is allow her to acknowledge that!" She snapped. "What don't

you understand Derek? That woman is your forever! Are you really going to walk away after all of this!" Bailey exclaimed.

He gulped and nodded his agreement. She released his arm only after guiding him to the door. He opened his mouth to protest

but she just shook her head no. He turned towards the door and pushed it open.

Hope you're enjoying! Next chapter is Claire's "date" and Derek and Meredith reunite!


	7. Suddenly I See

OK here it is! Sorry for the wait! Hopefully updates will come a little quicker!

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 7: Suddenly I See

Meredith had been staring out the window, lost in thought when a voice cut through her like a knife. A voice that

had been gone from her life for 30 years. A voice she'd know anywhere.

"Meredith." It was all he had to say and she was 30 years younger.

_What is he doing here! Who told him! Oh my God…!_ She attempted to quiet the thoughts screaming through

her brain. He approached the bed and sat in the chair closest to her. He reached over, tentatively, hesitantly, and

picked up her hand. "It was so much easier to do when you were out." He remarked quietly, holding up her

hand in explanation.

"What exactly are you doing here?" She questioned after a moment. He smiled softly. **_Same old Mere. Glad to _**

**_see some things never change._**

"Bailey called me." He replied, keeping his answers short and to the point. His thumb traced abstract designs

along her hand.

"Why did you come?" She pushed. She felt justified. It had, after all, been over 30 years sine she'd seen him

last.

"It's you. Nothing could have stopped me from being here." He told her. She raised an eyebrow.

"It's cute how you still do that." He commented before she could respond.

She gave him a half smile before pushing on. "She knows you're here?" Meredith interrogated.

"I haven't been married to 'she' for 25 years, so no, she doesn't know I'm here." He responded softly.

Meredith sucked in a breath at his revelation. She studied the man in front of her, unsure of what to do or say.

"What happened?" She choked out finally.

He sighed softly and gripped her hand, noting that she didn't stop him or pull back.

"When I left here, I left a part of me behind, the part I shared with you. When I went back to New York, I

missed that part. I missed you so much. But I felt like I owed it to her and myself to give it a chance. We tried

for 5 years. It wasn't meant to be. I ended it. After the divorce was finalized, we never spoke again." He

finished quietly.

"You didn't come back." She said. It wasn't a question, rather a statement.

"I did. You were with someone. Some vet I think." He replied vaguely.

"Finn. We were together for awhile. Didn't work out." She told him, her voice equally vague

He felt like they were in high school, dancing around words that had gone unspoken for 30 years, unsure if it

was still OK to express those words.

"Why?" He asked, taking the bait she'd laid out for him.

She turned her head to the window, tightening the grip she now had on his hand. "He wasn't you." She

whispered.

MEANWHILE BACK AT MEREDITH'S HOUSE

The doorbell rang right on time. Claire couldn't believe she actually had butterflies in her stomach. It was only

Ian, her mother's best friend's kid. She'd been around him most of her life. So why then, did she all of a sudden

feel like a 16 year old girl on her first date?

She chided herself for acting that way and quickly strode to the door. Just when she'd shooed all those pesky

butterflies away, she opened the door and they came back, hitting her like a ton of bricks.

He looked good, really good. Better than good… Very edible looking. She swallowed nervously. He was

wearing a dark blue suit, with a black shirt underneath, no tie.

"Well, well well, look at you. You do have some fantastic genes, you know that?" He teased softly.

She rolled her eyes, secretly grateful for the playful banter. "Oh please. Look at you. Your mother was a

model!" She exclaimed as she grabbed her purse and wrap.

"Touche. Perhaps I am too sexy." He jokingly admitted as he opened the car door for her.

"Oh don't. That song is ancient." She begged, a laugh punctuating her plea.

They slid into easy conversation as he drove them to their destination.

They were soon seated at a small table in the corner of the quiet restaurant.

"So no love life huh?" He asked as he took a sip of wine. _Great conversation starter you idiot! Why not just _

_ask her to hop in bed now?_ He mentally cursed himself, but kept his expression as passive as possible.

She shook her head, seemingly unalarmed by the question. "No time. Plus, not many men want to get caught up

in the drama that is my daughter." She said with a good natured shrug.

"She's gorgeous. Just like her mom." He said, unable to keep the last part from coming out. He braced himself,

waited for her to throw a sarcastic barb his way.

Instead, she blushed, much to his surprise and delight.

"Time's been good to you too, you know." She told him as she set her glass on the table. _Good lord, that was _

_the most pathetic attempt at a compliment!_ She harped on herself, waiting for him to comment on the lame

excuse of a compliment. But he didn't.

The corners of his mouth turned up slightly. "You like what you see huh? Not exactly the scrawny kid I was

when you left huh?" He teased, his eyes twinkling.

"Well, I'm not exactly who I was when I left either." She replied, her voice an octave lower than before.

"No, but you were still beautiful, always have been." He said, a tinge of nervousness was detectable in his voice.

She didn't say anything, just smiled. He took that as a good sign and decided to finish his thought.

"I always sort of had a crush on you. You were the hot older girl. You were so cute, so funny. I'd have given

anything to be able to kiss you, touch you, anything, just once." He said, spilling his guts.

She was silent. "Were?" She questioned, referring to his references to hisattraction to her years before.

"Now, well, cute doesn't really justify you. Beautiful is a bit more fitting. But you're still funny, and you're still the

hot older girl." He replied, winking at her as their food arrived.

For the first time in a long time, Claire unclenched.

RRRRREEEVEIW?


	8. A Lot of Things Different

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 8: A Lot of Things Different

Meredith hadn't spoken a word since she'd revealed the reason behind her failed relationship with Finn. She didn't know what to say, or if she really should be saying anything for that matter.

To his credit, Derek remained silent as well. It might've been 30 years since he'd seen her last, but he'd forever remember her actions and her reactions, and he knew enough not to say anything right now. But he didn't let go of her hand. Instead, he held it a little tighter, as if she'd slip away if he let go, and there was no way he was losing her again. Not without a fight, even if that meant going up against death.

DINNER

Claire found herself lost in his eyes for about the 10th time that night. _Stop staring!_ She chided herself, desperately trying to focus on what he was saying. "Claire, stop." He said, startling her out of her false concentration.

"What!" She asked, instantly feeling guilty for not paying better attention to the very attractive man speaking to her.

He smiled cheekily at her, waiting for her to explain herself. "It wasn't that I wasn't listening, I was just, I mean, I didn't mean to stare, I was… I'm sorry." She fumbled, attempting to explain her actions, failing miserably as she felt the heated blush rise up her neck to her cheeks.

He had to laugh at the woman across from him. "You were staring. Very intensely I might add, at me. Do you really think that upsets me?" He asked softly, holding her gaze so intently that she didn't even notice his hand had made its way across the table and came to rest on hers. She looked down at their hands and felt the blush rising.

"I don't get it. I never made you do this before." He said, gesturing to her reddening cheeks as a small grin played across his lips. It was obvious he was enjoying his effect on her.

"Well, you didn't look like this before." She countered, raising her eyes to meet his, a small smile creasing her face as she gestured lightly to his body.

"Would it make you stop blushing if I told you that I like that I do that to you?" He asked, hoping his words would put her at ease.

She laughed at his question. "Doubtful." She replied, covering her giggles with her hand.

He swiftly returned her smiles. "How about if I told you that you've had the exact same effect on me for the last, oh 10 years or more?" He went on, feeling a red blush rising on him.

She nearly choked on the water she'd been sipping. "Seriously?" She asked after she stopped choking.

He laughed at her choice of responses. "Seriously. C'mon, dance with me." He told her, pulling her up and leading her to the floor. A soft jazz number was playing as he guided her into his arms. He rested his hand against her back, the heat radiating off her both comforted him and encouraged him. She was so close, he could smell her hair, her perfume.

"I've had a crush on you since I knew what a crush was. You have no idea what it's like sitting across from you, having this conversation with you, holding you and you not pulling away." He explained, a slight blush of his own creeping up his neck.

She felt sort of bad for not realizing his feelings sooner. "I'm sorry." She whispered in his ear. He pulled back, confusion marring his impossibly handsome face.

"Why? What are you sorry for?" He asked, his voice husky and low. It made her gulp. She couldn't believe he was having this affect on her

"For not realizing sooner. If I could have done things differently…." She trailed off, not exactly sure how to vocalize her feelings.

He smiled softly. "We'd all do things differently. But it doesn't matter now. What matters is that you're here with me, looking at me like you want to eat me alive. Which is a good thing, it's actually a fantasy of mine…." He teased, immensely enjoying her reaction to his words.

For once, she was left totally speechless. He took that as a good sign and gently tightened his hand on her waist, urging her forward, but giving her the ability to resist if she was uncomfortable. She wasn't.

She looked up into his eyes, her heart in her throat. He dropped her hand and ran his fingers up her arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps along the way. His hand came to rest on her neck. After a moment, he moved his hand and lifted her chin, his lips centimeters from hers. "I'm going to fulfill another fantasy of mine, that is, if you don't stop me." He whispered as his lips closed the distance and took her lips with his own.

BACK AT THE HOSPITAL

Visiting hours had been over for awhile. But Bailey, and well everyone else for that matter, knew better than to attempt to kick him out. They hadn't spoken much, but he hadn't released her hand either.

Meredith wasn't really sure what he wanted from her. She wasn't even sure if she was happy he was here. It had hurt like a son of a bitch when he'd left and it had taken her an age to get over him, and in the end, she'd been able to let him go and it had made her life simpler.

And now here he was again, holding her hand and effectively undoing 30 years worth of repairs. It made her wonder just how 'fixed' she had been.

"I have to talk now. We haven't said anything for hours Mere." He spoke up, snapping her out of her self loathing.

She met his eyes. "If I could go back, I would do everything differently. I never would have left, I would have signed the papers, I would have done anything to keep you." He told her, his thumb rubbing small random circles across her hand.

She sighed. "That's a nice thought Derek, but it's not realistic. We can't go back. We can't change things. And Derek, even if we could and you decided to stay, it wouldn't have been right, because you are the kind of person who gives second chances, you have the ability to forgive." She told him as she pulled her hand from his grasp.

"Do you?" He questioned after a long moment.

REVIEW!


	9. In Terms of Love

Here is is! 9!

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 9: In Terms of Love

"I've made peace with what we were Derek. You should too." She replied after a moment, effectively avoiding answering his question.

He sighed and closed his eyes, lowering his head. "You didn't answer me." He told her, his head still pointed down.

She knew better than to think she could get away with it. "I can forgive." She answered softly. He picked his head up and opened his mouth, but she cut him off, continuing. "But having the ability to forgive doesn't mean I have forgiven you, or will forgive you." She said, her voice soft and sure.

He was silent as he slowly let go of her hand. "I don't think about you in terms of love anymore. You have to understand that. Sure, I think about you from time to time, but you left Derek. I told you how I felt, I gave you the opportunity to stay, I asked you to love me, to pick me and you chose her and went back to New York. You left me with two choices. Pine away and be miserable for the rest of my life, or get over it. Neither one was particularly appealing, seeing as neither involved you coming back, but I still had a choice. So I got over it. Second chances don't happen twice." She told him, folding her hands in her lap.

He sat there, stunned at her response. Somehow, selfishly, and perhaps foolishly, he'd thought they could pick up where they left off, or at least somewhere near there, or at the very least, she'd be willing to forgive him. Apparently not.

"Visiting hours are over." She whispered quietly, her face turned toward the window. He could take a hint. He knew he wasn't wanted. He nodded, not even saying goodbye as he stood and walked out the door.

What he _didn't_ know was Meredith didn't turn away because she was mad, she turned away because, despite her best efforts to keep herself under control, she'd felt the tears welling up in her eyes and had to get him out before he saw them and saw right through her.

It was only after she heard the quiet click of the door that she allowed the tears to fall. Somehow, she'd convinced herself that she didn't need him or want him. Now, only one question remained… _Did I do the right thing?_ She turned the question over in her head as she attempted to settle into a restless sleep.

Derek made it about two steps from her door before he felt a tear slip down his cheek. "Didn't expect that did you?" A voice asked from the nurse's station. Bailey. He turned to face her, an incredulous look on her face.

"You did?" He asked, not entirely sure if he wanted to hear what the woman had to say. She rolled her eyes as she quickly signed off on the last chart before approaching him.

"Of course. I've only worked with her for the past 30 years. She wasn't going to let you off that easy Derek." She told him as she walked him to the elevators.

He had no response for her revelation. He should have known better. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

"But, just because she told you she hasn't forgiven you doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Don't let _her_ off that easily Derek. The quicker you leave, the easier this is on her. She's gone 30 years without you, she can go longer. But the longer you stay, the harder it is. Do yourself and all of us a favor. Make it hard." Bailey said as the elevators closed on him.

CLAIRE & IAN'S DATE

After a few breathless moments, Ian reluctantly ended the kiss, a small smile dancing on his lips. "Yep, definitely worth the wait." He whispered, brushing a kiss to her ear as they continued their dance.

"So glad I could fulfill your fantasy." She said teasingly into his ear. She felt his grip on her tighten as he expelled a breath he didn't even know he'd been holding.

"Behave." He choked out, willing his body to remain in check. No way was _that_ going to happen tonight.

She just laughed, the tips of her fingers playing with the fuzz at the back of his neck.

"You keep playing games like this, you'll find out just how many fantasies I've ha with you in the starring role." His low voice rumbled, barely audible.

She felt a shiver of pleasure vibrate down her spine. They were entering dangerous territory here and she wasn't entirely sure if that was a bad thing. But it was Ian, and that should matter. He wasn't just some guy. _You knew him when he was in diapers… You have pictures of the two of you in the bathtub together… Too bad you didn't know what you'd be missing later on…_ She snapped herself out of her silent berating as the song ended.

"So are you still up for seeing my new place?" He asked as they made their way out of the restaurant sometime later. Her hand was tucked into his arm and he was alarmingly close.

A million thoughts ran through her mind. If she said yes, she'd be alone, in his house, with a very attractive man…. If she said no, she wouldn't be alone with a very attractive man, she'd be at her mother's pouting because she didn't go….

Decisions, decisions…..


	10. Saying Sorry

OK NEXT INSTALLMENT!

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 10: Saying Sorry

Claire gulped. She felt like she was in high school all over again. He was inches from her face. They'd already shared one mind melting kiss, she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to turn down another. She held her breath as he moved a bit closer. "Say yes. I'll behave… Or I'll try really hard at least." He whispered, his hand snaking into her hair.

She nodded weakly and he led her away from her rental car to his. The drive over was quiet. "I never thought we'd be here, now, in this moment." He said quietly.

"I didn't either." She replied, her eyes on the road in front of her.

"I'm sure you didn't, but not for the same reasons as me. You didn't think of it because you never thought of me romantically. I didn't think it would happen because you were the unreachable, the ungettable get, so to speak." He told her, his hand patting hers.

"Why didn't you ever try to get in touch with me after I left?" She asked him, turning herself towards him.

"I had my reasons. You ran away from this place as fast as you could as soon as you could, I didn't think you wanted any reminders of the past. And by the time I'd worked up the courage to ask your mother, she told me you were pregnant with your boyfriend's child. I gave up, figured there was no chance for us." He said with a sigh as he made a left turn into one of the most prestigious subdivisions in Seattle.

"I wish you'd called." She whispered as they pulled over by a large frame of a house.

He came around to her side of the car, opening the door. "Me too." He said as he led her towards the house.

HOSPITAL

Bailey strode into Meredith's room half hour after Derek had made his exit. Meredith may be her boss, but that never stopped Bailey. She snatched up the chart, flipping through it noisily, letting it clatter back into its place on the end of the bed, startling Meredith awake.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Bailey asked sarcastically. Meredith groaned and pushed herself up to the sitting position, her eyes on the older woman, waiting for whatever it was Bailey had to say.

"I know you're in pain and you're frustrated because you can't run your hospital, and quite honestly, I don't care. What I do care about is what you've been putting this staff through the last 30 years. You've run this place with an iron ship, never cutting anyone any slack, making no exceptions, accepting no excuses." Bailey said, getting up closer to Meredith.

"Why is that wrong? What problem do you have with it? You were the Nazi." Meredith countered.

"You make me look like a puppy dog. I am the way I am because it's who I am. You are not me. You are not supposed to be like me. Stop acting like me. The only reason you're doing it is because of what he did to you. It was your answer. You figured if you shut off the emotions, you could shut off the pain. Figured that one out the hard way didn't you? He's been gone 30 years and you still haven't let it go. You know, the opposite of love is not anger or hate, those are emotions, they require you to have feelings. The opposite of love is indifference. And you Meredith Grey, are not indifferent. Haven't ever been and probably never will be." Bailey finished as she adjusted the IV bag and left the room.

THE DATE

He'd shown her everything. Where his bedroom would be, his kitchen, living room. "Ian, everything sounds incredible." She murmured in awe and appreciation of what her old childhood friend and new love interest had accomplished.

He blushed under her compliment. "I'm not going to lie, you were part of my inspiration for this house." He told her.

"How so?" She questioned, her eyebrows furrowed in curiosity as she turned to face him.

"Well, you had the biggest and the best growing up. You're mom was the most successful, you had the best toys, the biggest house, the nicest cars. I wanted to prove that I could do the same, that I could provide just as well as anyone. But then, when I found out what you were doing for a living and that you were a single mother, the meaning changed. You are raising a child, and doing a hell of a job. And you're doing it alone, and without all the money and fame your mother has. That's when I realized. It wasn't just about providing. It was about being there and being happy, doing what you love. You didn't follow your mother's path. You created your own. You don't have millions of dollars, but you seem happy." He finished, slightly embarrassed at his outburst.

She was floored. She'd never had anyone put it like that before, she'd never had anyone understand it in such a way. "I am happy, or I was until this whole thing with my mother." She muttered unhappily.

"What are you going to do? My mom said they offered you a job here." He asked as they made their way outside and sat on the hood of the car.

"I don't know. I'm supposed to meet with all her doctors tomorrow to discuss what treatment and rehabilitation we're looking at here. Then I'll decide. I can't leave her, but Boston is sort of home now, my job is there, my daughter's friends are there…" She replied, her eyes on the stars.

"Could Seattle be home again?" He asked as she brought her eyes to his. She looked deeply into his gaze, seeing the nervous young teenage hiding in the back.

He wanted her to stay. She wasn't sure if she belonged here anymore. She shrugged her shoulders. "It's possible. At least until she's better, if I need to stay." She told him.

"If you don't need to stay?" He pressed softly.

"I go home." She replied.

He nodded. He knew that. He knew she'd go if she didn't have to stay. And it made sense, she has a job and responsibilities, he understood that. Why wasn't his heart getting the message?

"C'mon, I'll take you home." He whispered, grabbing her hand and pulling her off the car.

She nodded mutely and let him open her door for her.

The drive was again silent. They were both lost in the conversation they'd just had. Before either of them knew it, they were back at her mother's house. He got out and went around and opened her door.

He walked her to the front stoop and she turned to look at him. "I'll never tell you what to do or tell you that you should stay. That's not my place. All I'm telling you is to follow your heart and do what's best for you and your daughter." He said quietly before leaning over and kissing her softly.

"Goodnight Claire." He said as he walked to his car.

"Goodnight." She whispered as she turned to head inside.

NEXT MORNING – HOSPITAL

Claire had slept fitfully the night before, her thoughts plagued by what the outcome of the next morning would bring. She showered and dressed before heading to the hospital. Cristina and Burke were meeting her there with Ava. She headed to Preston's office, where they'd agreed to meet, but stopped two doors before it, her daughter's voice catching her ear.

"Are you my grandpa?" Ava asked. Claire peeked into the nearly vacant waiting room she'd heard her daughter's voice come out of and saw her questioning Derek.

Derek caught Claire's eyes as she quietly entered the room. He silently asked for permission to answer the question. She gave a barely perceptible nod.

"Yes I am your grandpa. And your mommy is right behind you." He told her, hoping to divert her attention. The young girl whirled around and dove for her mom. Claire wrapped her daughter in a tight hug.

The young girl quickly rattled off all the details of the previous night's activities before turning her attention to the latest episode of Dora the Explorer.

"Sorry about earlier. She just started asking questions…" Derek said as he sat down next to her at the table.

"It's fine. I want her to know who you are, I don't want to keep you from her like mom kept you from me. Speaking of mom, how did it go last night?" She asked him. He looked up and she met eyes identical to her own.

"Not great. She told me she hadn't forgiven me and isn't planning to forgive me, and doesn't think about me in that 'way' anymore." He reported.

"She's stubborn. She doesn't want to let go of the pain. I guess it's easier to hate you than it is to love you." Claire replied with a shrug.

"It's safer too. With hate, you're always in charge. With love, whole different story." He said, taking a sip of the coffee he'd brought along.

"Wish I could help. But mom and I aren't really that close…" Claire retorted with a sigh, her eyes on her daughter.

"You remind her of me. You look like me, you have the same brooding personality as me, you walk like me, talk like me, you're me, only female. That's tough on your mom, you're the constant reminder of the relationship she never got to fully experience." He said.

Truth be told, this wasn't new to Claire. She'd kind of always figured she was more like her dad and for some reason that had always upset her mother. Now she knew why.

"C'mon, grab the munchkin, you're supposed to be meeting with her attending soon." Derek said as he stood

"Isn't George her attending?" She asked as they strode down the hall, Ava's little hand wrapped around Derek's.

"Not anymore." He replied, a glint in her eye.

"Who's her attending?" She pressed, confused by the sudden change in doctors.

"I am." He answered as they entered the room.

REVIEW PLEASE!


	11. Live for Today

OK so here's the deal. I know people are reading the story, and that's great. I'm glad. But no one's reviewing. I got less than 5 reviews for Chapter 10. I like writing, I do, and I will continue to write, but you guys are part of the inspiration. I want to hear your thoughts. And no one's posting them. So if you aren't going to post, neither am I. So please, take 30 seconds ad tap out your thoughts. That's all I ask. If I don't see decent feedback on this chapter, I'm not going to post here anymore. I'll continue to write, but why waste my time putting it up if no one's interested?

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 11: Live for Today

Meredith sat up in bed as she heard the door open. George was supposed to be meeting with her to go over the future of her treatment. But the man at the door definitely was NOT George.

Claire held her breath expectantly. This would be the first time she'd ever seen her parents interact with each other.

"Meredith." Derek said softly in greeting as he set her chart down on th rolling cart, flipping through.

"Derek, what's going on? Why are you here? You were supposed to leave. Where's George?" Meredith questioned, her eyes searching the room, looking for her long time friend.

"Grandma!" Ava shrieked, barreling towards the bed before Claire could get hold of her.

Temporarily distracted by her granddaughter, she allowed the young child to scale the bed and snuggle in next to her. Derek and Claire took a moment to observe the interaction between grandmother and grandchild.

_I can't believe I've missed all this. 30 years worth of growing up. 30 years of growing old._ 30 years wasn't a lifetime by a long shot, but it sure felt like it to Derek. His ever bright blue eye took in the scene before him. He allowed his eyes to rest on the woman who'd haunted him for almost half his lifetime. She'd aged well. Her hair was shorter, her skin had a few wrinkles. But her eyes were still vivacious as ever, her smile still the same.

Claire resisted the urge to call her daughter off. Ava made Meredith happy, and her mother hadn't been a happy woman. She let her eyes drift to the man she hadn't been able to call 'dad' yet. He was studying her mother intently, as if he was trying to commit her to memory. It was surreal, being in the same room as both her parents.

"I took over your case." He informed Meredith, breaking the silence.

Meredith looked up at him, baffled at the new revelation. "What? Why? You're a neurologist Derek." She pointed out.

"Yes I am. And you have significant injuries to both your head and your spine, making this the perfect case for me to oversee." He responded, holding her gaze.

Claire was speechless. Not many people, not many men actually, would've dared hold her mother's gaze.

"So you aren't leaving." Meredith shot back flatly. He rolled his eyes at her lack of enthusiasm. He knew that it bothered her that he was there. And he was glad. If it bothered her, it meant he still affected her. If he still affected her, he still had a chance.

"No. In fact, I'll be here through your entire recovery." He said, capping the pen and turning to face his daughter. _Feels strange to call her that._

"We're looking at, at minimum, 4-6 months before she makes a complete recovery." Derek assessed after a moment.

The Grey women were silent, even Ava sensed the intensity of the moment. "OK, well I guess I'll tell George we're moving." Claire said after she exhaled. With that, she turned and left the room, leaving her child with her grandparents.

"That's my grandpa." Ava pointed out matter of factly to her grandmother as she gestured to Derek. Derek had the decency to blush.

"Did you tell her that?" Meredith asked as Ava struggled to change positions.

"She asked. And I told her. Claire doesn't have a problem with it. She wants me to know Ava." Derek told her, unable to keep the smug tone out of his voice.

As much as Meredith wanted to call him on his comment, she couldn't. She knew she'd done wrong by him. She knew she should have told him. But despite her knowledge of her wrongdoings, she wasn't ready to let it go, not yet.

"Looks like you and Claire have been spending some time together." She remarked, hanging the subject, hoping he'd take the bait.

He did. "She's a remarkable woman. I can't believe I've missed so much. I would've given anything to watch her grow up." Derek said, a far away looking overtaking his eyes.

Meredith reflected on his words. She couldn't fault him for wanting to know his daughter. "I'm sorry." She whispered softly. It wasn't much but it was all she could muster at this point.

Her words warmed his heart a little. He moved a step closer. "We all make mistakes Mere. But those mistakes are in the past now. All that matters is the here and now. That's what we're living for." He murmured, his voice soft and soothing.

She studied the man in front of her, the man that had haunted her for 30 years. He was older now, there were lines in his face. But his eyes, they were still blue. His hair was still dark brown. _Ok, so it's mostly brown with some gray._ She admitted to herself. But it was still him, he was still Derek. And he still cared. He had to, he was there, that meant something, right?

"You're really my doctor?" She asked after a long moment. His eyes came up from her chart to meet hers. He nodded the confirmation.

"So this means I'll be seeing a lot of you." She continued, her words unsteady and broken. It hurt him to see her like this. He hadn't seen her in 30 years and this wasn't how he pictured their reunion going.

She always had been strong, she'd always been everyone else's rock. But 30 years of raising a child on her own without the only thing she'd ever wanted, it was taking its toll.

Her eyes were older now and the naivete, innocence and excitement that had once filled her eyes had been replaced with experience, wisdom and just plain old pain. He knew how it got there and who was responsible for putting it there.

She seemed to read his mind. "I'm really OK Derek." She told him, hoping he got the message.

His gaze swept over her pale, expressionless face, her older eyes, and her thin lipped mouth. He sighed.

"Don't lie to me Meredith. You're no more OK than I am. But I want to be OK. I want us to at least get along. We have a family together now." He told her, moving in and lowering his voice, as Ava had fallen asleep.

"WE have a family? Seriously? You've been around for 3 days and you're 'part' of this family now?" She exclaimed in a stage whisper.

"I didn't ask to be shut out Meredith. You did that all on your own. You chose to exclude me from this family." He hissed, moving in closer.

"You asked to be shut out when you left me to be with _her._" Meredith shot back, her eyes flashing.

Derek watched the angry storm clouds forming in her eyes. He had to words at that moment. All he had were his instincts and impulses, and his heart. So he followed his instincts, his impulses, his heart. Without hesitating for another seconds, he leaned in, centimeters from her face, and whispered. "I may have left, but my heart never did." And with that, pressed his lips to hers.

REVIEW!


	12. Move Along

OK I'm working on getting these done faster, but when school comes, I dunno what'll happen.

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 12: Move Along

Meredith felt her body hum to life. She wanted to pull away. She told herself to pull away. But somehow, her heart just wasn't getting the message. Not only was it not getting the message, it was actually responding to the kiss. To the kiss she'd waited 30 years to feel again. The kiss she'd never forgotten.

Meredith's carefully constructed world swiftly came crumbling down around her. Her brain screamed at her to pull away, to protest, to protect herself.

Memories flooded through Derek the instant their lips met. It felt like he'd never left. It was just as amazing and heart stopping as it had been 30 years ago. And not that he was surprised, he hadn't expected anything less than what he was feeling right now. What did surprise him was that she was responding. He'd expected her to pull away or hit him or something, but not this.

He tentatively placed a hand on her cheek, allowing his fingers to lightly entangle themselves in her hair. This only seemed to emit a stronger response from her. He hadn't kissed anyone like this in years. 30 of them to be exact.

After a long breathless moment, Derek slowly pulled away. Her eyes were still closed, her breathing was still rapid, much like his own was.

He spoke first. "I don't care what comes out of your mouth after I say this, but I'm not apologizing for that. I'm not apologizing for kissing you. Because do to that would be to apologize for loving you and that's something I'm not willing to do." He told her, his voice solid and sure, full of confidence.

"No one's asking you to apologize." She replied quietly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she quickly continued, wanting to get her words out.

"But that doesn't mean it should have happened. Not like this, not now, not after 30 years Derek. I spent too many years getting over this, getting over you, just to get where I am now. And in a single kiss, you've undone everything." She explained.

He was quiet for awhile, his eyes halfway closed as he thought, formed the words in his head before he spoke.

"Don't you think that means something? All it took was one kiss Meredith. That's nothing compared to 30 years. Don't you think it's possible that maybe this is bigger than both of us?" He asked her quietly.

Truthfully, Meredith didn't really have an answer for that, or maybe it was that she didn't want to recognize the answer to that. "Derek, I… I'm tired. I need to get some sleep." She said at last, effectively ending the conversation.

"C'mon Ava. Grandma needs her sleep." He called to the child who'd moved from her grandmother's side to the floor where she'd busied herself with some of the many toys her mother was toting around for her. She gamely gathered her stuff as her new found grandfather spared her grandmother some parting words.

The part of him that loved her, the part of him that needed her to love him, told him to stay, wait her out. But the part of him that was responsible for her recovery, for her life, told him to go. And now was the time to listen to the doctorly side of him. He nodded at last, picking himself up from his chair. He stood and turned back to the woman in the bed and allowed his hand to drop on to the one lying by her side. "Time doesn't matter to me. Never has, never will." He whispered, squeezing her hand quickly before dropping it and exiting the room, Ava trailing behind, toting her bag of goodies with her.

Claire had escaped the room as fast as humanly possible. She needed to breathe, to clear her thoughts, to wrap her mind around what was about to happen.

She was moving. She was moving back to Seattle, back in with her mother. She was returning to the life she'd done everything possible to avoid.

_You have a mother to take care of. You have obligations, responsibilities._ She reminded herself. Her mother had taken care of her grandmother when Ellis had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. She could do this. It would only be temporary.

She was so wrapped up in her world that she didn't hear the door open and her father, Derek, come strolling out.

Identical blue eyes met. "I thought you were going to talk to George." Derek asked, approaching, scooping Ava up in his arms as he did so.

"I was… I am. Just needed to collect myself. Everything is changing so fast." She murmured, her head swimming with thoughts of the future.

"It tends to happen like that. Life never really just plods along, at least not when things like this happen." Derek said as he fell into step with her as they made their way to George's office.

Half an hour later, they'd settled the details. She'd be temporarily replacing one of the social workers in the hospital, as the current one was about to go on maternity leave.

Derek walked out with her. "Are you going to have your things shipped out from Boston?" He asked as he waited at the elevators with her.

"Probably. I'll call a few friends to pack some things up and send them." Claire answered, rubbing her neck as she waited.

Derek nodded, unsure of whether or not he was allowed to ask the next question. Figuring he could take the chance, he did.

"How was your date with Ian?" He questioned tentatively.

"Guess everyone knows about that. Some things never change huh? It was nice, he's a sweet man. Last night, he made this all seem a little easier." She said with a soft smile.

"Well good. We all need someone to do that once in awhile." He replied after a moment.

He turned to go as she stepped on the elevator.

"Does she do that for you?" She called back.

Derek turned to meet his daughter's eyes. "Yes."

OK so the next chapter we're going to start moving time-wise.

Review


	13. Every Step You Take

Yeah… No, not mine.

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 13: Every Step You Take

The younger Grey's had been in Seattle for 3 weeks now. Ava was settling in beautifully.

Meredith had come home a week before and Claire had been on edge since then. She knew she had a responsibility to her family and to her mother, but it didn't keep her from wishing she could just hop a plane and fly right back to Boston.

It was the beginning of their 3rd week living with her mother. She'd just dropped her mother off at physical therapy and she'd dropped Ava off at one of the local day cares in hopes that she'd make some new friends.

There was a knock on the door, startling her out of her reverie. Claire sighed. She'd been cleaning like crazy for the last 3 hours and was a complete mess. She stood from her position on the floor, cleaning behind the couch and answered the doorbell.

She hadn't expected Ian to be on the other side. They hadn't spoken or seen each other since the night before she found out she was going to be staying here. Her thoughts immediately flew to the tattered gray sweat pants she was wearing and the faded YMCA T-shirt on top. Her hair must've been going 14 different directions.

"Bad time?" He teased, leaning his muscular frame against the door. He was wearing khaki pants and a pale blue polo shirt, his feet encased in a pair of athletic shoes. He looked good enough to eat.

"No, actually this is what I look like all the time." She shot back sarcastically. He laughed at her response.

She'd thought about him off and on in the past couple weeks, unsure of how, or if, she should pursue him farther than they'd already gone. The fact that he was standing there, on her doorstep, had to mean something.

"Come on in. I was just in the middle of cleaning but I could use a break." She offered, moving back to allow him to come in. He smiled and moved past her and she inhaled his musky cologne.

_Steady girl._ She momentarily closed her eyes and cleared her mind. She'd been so preoccupied with her new life that she'd forgotten was it was like to be in his presence.

She passed by the mirror in the hallway, catching a glance of her appearance. She was horrified by what she saw. She was wearing an old basketball T shirt over a pair of faded torn blue shorts. Her legs and arms were covered in dust and dirt and her hair was going about 30 different directions.

She silently bemoaned her appearance and followed him to the kitchen. "Coffee?" She asked, moving to the pot as he nodded. She quickly poured him a cup and handed him the cream. "Give me 20 minutes and we can have a proper conversation." She said. He nodded his agreement and she smiled her appreciation and raced upstairs.

She took the fastest shower on record. She hurried to her old bedroom and yanked on a pair of jeans and yanked her white polo over her head. She furiously combed her wet hair and tied it back into a hair tie. She restrained herself from bounding down the stairs.

"So what're you doing here?" She asked, forcing her voice to sound as nonchalant as possible as she strode back into the kitchen.

"I haven't seen you. I wanted to. So I came to you." He supplied with a small smile and a hint of a blush. _God, I feel like I'm back in high school…_

"Sweet and simple. I like it." She said, coming to a stop across the island bar in front of him.

"How're you doing here?" He asked, studying the slightly drawn face in front of him.

"I'm…..We're… We're, OK. I guess." She answered, attempting to string here thought into coherent sentences.

He dragged his eyes across her expression, listening to her words.

"You always were a bad liar." He said, standing and coming around the island.

Something about his closeness made her turn to goo inside. "I know you didn't want to stay… I know you have this whole other life in Boston, and I respect that, I get that you aren't happy here, but I'm not going to lie, I'm glad you stayed. I'm glad you're here. And, if you give me the time, I'll prove it." He said, leaning in closer as he spoke.

She could do nothing but gulp and nod, not trusting her voice.

MEANWHILE………. THE HOSPITAL

"Stop! This is enough. I'm done for the day!" Meredith exclaimed to Derek, who'd interrupted her physical therapy and had caused her to stay an extra 20 minutes.

"Meredith. You need to do as much as you can take." He informed her gruffly. They hadn't spoken of their altercation a few weeks before. It had been on both their minds but neither had started the inevitable conversation.

"Derek, I am doing just fine in physical therapy without you. Now, you're hurting me. Let me go." She instructed, attempting to wrench herself from his strong grip.

"Don't do that. You'll hurt yourself." He warned, his tone calm and even, as though her flailing back and forth wasn't even happening.

"Don't speak to me like I'm 5." She retorted. And before he could say anything, she picked up her pillow and whacked him in the head with it. Startled, he let go.

As soon as she was free, she pushed the 'forward' button on her motorized chair and zipped towards the door. Unfortunately, Derek was faster than she anticipated. He grabbed the arm rests of her chair just as she was about to escape.

"You may be the chief of surgery Meredith Grey, but right now, you are my patient, so quick walking, or wheeling, around here acting like my boss." He half yelled, his face inches from hers.

"Get away from my chair." She hissed, her good arm clenching the steering mechanism.

"You can't make me." He told her, a smirk on his face.

_Sure I can._ She watched him for a moment, allowed herself a moment of memories, and then leaned forward, pressing her lips to his.

He'd expected her to try something sneaky, but not to kiss him. She wasn't… She was… Shocked by the feel of her lips on his, he lifted his hands to tangle in her hair.

As soon as she felt his hands in her hair, she'd won. She wrenched away and zipped forward, running over his foot in the process.

"Oww! Damnit Meredith!" He howled.

REVIEW


	14. Better Days

Thanks for all the reviews… I love that guys are reading!

I don't own any of these people

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 14: Better Days

Bailey watched as her chief of surgery zipped out of her physical therapy session and sped down the hall. She tried to contain her laughter as the man of the hour, Derek Shepherd, limped painfully out of the session room.

"Ran ya over didn't she?" Bailey asked, highly amused.

"Actually, she kissed me, _then_ ran me over." He corrected, a scowl on his still very handsome face.

Bailey shook her head. "This isn't the way to get her back Shepherd. You know that. Forcing her to stay longer in physical therapy is not going to make her fall in love with you." She continued, falling into step next to him.

"Yeah? Well then tell me Bailey. What do I do?" He asked as they came to a stop while waiting for the elevator.

"Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it, I didn't say I knew how to fix it. That's on you. You're McDreamy." She pointed out as she got on and left him speechless as the doors closed.

IAN AND CLAIRE

Claire's breath caught in her throat as Ian's mouth came down on hers. His lips were warm and soft and she felt herself melting under his touch. His hands were on her hips, holding her to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing herself closer to him, if that was possible.

After several intense moments, he pulled back a bit. "That…. That was definitely worth coming over for." He whispered softly after a few seconds.

She laughed at his light hearted comment.

"So we're kissing now?" She asked, pulling herself together and trying to put some distance between them.

"Yes, yes we are. And soon, we may even be dating!" He exclaimed sarcastically.

If there were ever two people who more like their respective fathers, it'd be them.

"Dating huh? Seriously? You wanna date the product of a Grey and a Shepherd?" She asked teasingly.

"Sure. It'll make things interesting. If I wanted a boring girlfriend, I'd date George's daughter." He shot back jokingly.

George and Callie had one daughter, Lana, before they separated 3 years after they got married. Unfortunately, despite Callie's hand in the conception of the child, she was very much George's daughter.

"Be nice. She's a sweet girl. Painfully shy and socially inept, but still very sweet." Claire reminded him.

"Right, if she ever speaks." Ian he muttered, his father very much coming through.

"So does this mean you want to take me out again?" She asked coyly.

"If you'll let me." He returned with a slightly shy smile. Just like that, he slipped right back into the softer personality that was his mother's.

"That can be arranged." She said with a laugh. She glanced at the clock. "But now, I have to pick my mother up at therapy, so I'll talk to you later?" She asked.

He smiled. "I'll call? If that's OK?" He questioned. She smiled brightly at him. "I think I can deal with that." She quipped as he walked with her to the door.

His kissed her on the cheek. "See ya." He said and bounded down the steps to his car.

She couldn't keep the grin off her face as she drove to the hospital to retrieve her mother. She intentionally got there a little early, she wanted to speak with Derek about her mother's treatment… She'd stuck to calling him Derek because well… 'dad' didn't seem to fit just yet.

She found him sitting in the doctor's lounge drinking coffee and watching the news. She studied him for a minute, taking in the features that her mother had fallen in love with. He might've been 70, but his physique and looks, he could pass for 15 years younger. He kept himself in shape, that was obvious. But then, her mother had too. They did make a good looking pair, it was hard to deny that.

"Claire, you're staring at me." Derek said to his daughter, yanking her out of her daydream. She started and stepped into the room.

"Sorry. Lost in thought. How's mom?" She asked as she sat down across from him at the table.

He turned to face her. "She ran me over today." He said with a straight face.

"What?" She questioned, confused by his statement.

"With her wheelchair. She wanted to leave therapy. I wasn't done with her yet, so I blocked her chair. She kissed me to get me to let go of the chair, then ran over my foot." He elaborated.

She found herself choking back giggles. "I'm sorry, it's not funny, but you, you should know better than to try to stop my mother." She said through stifled giggles.

He nodded his agreement. "Good point. Otherwise, she's coming along well. At this rate, she'll be back behind her desk within 6 weeks." He reported.

She nodded, glad to hear that her mother was recovering well. Their relationship might be strained, but she wanted her mother well. Seeing her helpless…. It was like watching a puppy with three legs try to run… It was almost too painful to watch.

"Have you decided if you're going to stick around after that?" He asked softly. He knew she'd been deciding between staying and going, and he knew that she was somewhat touchy about it.

"Nope. Have you decided what you're to do about your feelings for my mother?" She shot back. She knew he'd been having issues with whether he should pursue it or let it be, and she knew HE was touchy about that.

"Touché. No one can't say you don't belong to me." He said with a laugh.

Both of them had been so wrapped up in their conversation that neither had noticed Meredith's presence in the doorway.

She knew Derek still cared about her and wanted the best for her, but to hear it being talked about, that was different, that meant she couldn't avoid it… That meant she now had to face it.

REVIEW


	15. Justify

Love you guys, as always….

Not mine.

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 15: Justify

She hated the fact that her daughter and her father were bonding so much. _How terrible is that? I don't want my own daughter to know her father?_

Derek felt her presence. "Meredith, eavesdropping isn't part of your recovery." Derek said without even turning to look at her.

Claire glanced to the door, surprised to find her mother there.

"Mom-" Claire started, standing up.

"Are you ready to go?" Meredith asked, stopping her daughter's words. She may have been speaking to her daughter, but her eyes were focused on Derek.

Claire glanced back and forth between her mother and her father. _Well, I never thought I'd be in this position, standing between my parents, who're having a standoff at the OK Corral. _

"Go with your mom. You came to get her and she's ready to go." Derek told her, his voice quiet.

Claire stood and grabbed her things. "I'll call you. We'll do dinner." She told her father, still uncomfortable with the idea of him being 'dad' to her.

"I'd like that." He replied, squeezing her arm affectionately.

Meredith was jealous. She couldn't believe it but she was. She was jealous of the relationship between Claire and Derek. They had more affection between them in three weeks than Meredith had ever had with her only child. She'd be lying if she said it didn't break her heart just a little.

Claire joined her mother on the silent walk back to Claire's car. _I need to accept this. She's his daughter. It's normal for them to want to spend time together. I should understand that. After all, I'm the one who kept him from her, or would it be her from him?_

_I'll lose her… If I don't at least attempt to explain or make her understand… She'll pick him over me. He lives in New York, she lives in Boston, much closer than Seattle…_

Claire helped her mother into the car and they headed home. "So you're really going to do this? You're going to attempt a relationship with your father?" Meredith asked at last.

Claire glanced over at her mother, looking for signs of disgust or disappointment, but couldn't find anything. For once, her mother's face was passive, calm, lacking in emotion.

"Yes. He's my father. I have 30 years to catch up on." She replied, keeping her voice even.

"Good. You should. Derek… He's a good man. He'd have been a good father for you." Meredith forced out. _I can't believe I'm saying this…_ She'd be lying if she said she didn't feel guilty for the whole situation. She knew it was all her fault. Everything from hiding her daughter's father from her to forcing her to move to Seattle…

It was all Claire could do to keep her eyes in her head. "Ok. Who are you and what did you do with my mother?" She asked.

Meredith raised her eyebrow at her daughter. "I wasn't always like this, you know. There was a time, a point, where I was… Fun." Meredith explained.

Claire kept her eyes on the road. "What happened?" She asked softly.

"I'm sure you know most of it. I know Derek told you." Meredith replied, suddenly unsure of whether or not she should be sharing this information.

"He told me his side. Mom, I deserve to hear your side. All I'm going on is your journal and I'm sorry but that's not enough." Claire told her mother, not letting her off the hook.

"You're right Claire. You deserve to hear an explanation… Unfortunately, all I have are excuses…" Meredith said softly.

"Well, if it's all the same to you, I need to hear them." Claire responded, her tone even and calm.

"I met him the night before I started working at Seattle Grace. I didn't know who he was and he definitely didn't know who I was. It started as a one night stand. The next day, though I didn't know it, I kicked my boss out. I found out he was my boss less than 10 hours later…. He was like a car accident. You know you're supposed to look away, but your eyes are just drawn to it… You can't help but look. Once I looked, I was finished." Meredith explained, her voice soft and distant, as though she was reliving it all over again.

"How long did it last?" Claire asked after a moment. They were now sitting in the driveway. Claire unsnapped her belt and turned to face her mother.

"Not long but long enough. His wife was back in the picture within a matter of 2 months. But that was all it had taken for me to fall for him. By that point, I was too far gone to save myself. He told me he was going back to New York to work on his marriage. I begged him to stay. I begged him to pick me, to love me. He said he wanted to but he had an obligation, a responsibility. And sadly, I respected him for it. I tried so hard not to, but that's the kind of person he is." Meredith replied, meeting her daughter's eyes.

_M:y God she looks so much like him... The eyes, the hair…I always knew if we ever had kids, they'd be good looking._

"And when he left?" Claire prodded. Meredith's eyes watered a bit at what she was going to have to explain.

"I was miserable. Heartbroken. Devestated. Use whatever adjective makes you happy. I was never the same. Then you came along, this walking, talking, female clone of the man I was trying so desperately to get over, to forget… But you… You made it impossible to forget. That's why I am the way I am with you. I know it's a sorry excuse but at the time, I guess I felt like it was justified. I don't like it, I feel like I'm just as bad as my own mother." She whispered, hardly able to get the words out.

Claire was floored. She hadn't expected her to just come out and tell her all of this. She had no words for what she'd just heard. And she didn't need them, because her mother was about to say two words Claire had never expected her to utter.

"Claire… I'm sorry."

I really felt that Claire and Meredith needed to have a chapter, they needed to have a conversation, they need to mend their relationship.

With that said….

REVIEW!


	16. I Don't Want You To Go

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 16: I Don't Want You To Go

Claire swallowed as she processed her mother's words. Years of anger, frustration, anxiety, loneliness…. It washed over her in waves as her mother's apology reverberated through the car.

"Thanks mom… You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that." Claire said at last, reaching over and enveloping her mother in an unexpected hug.

Her mother didn't hesitate to hug her back. "You don't know how long I've waited to say it." She whispered into her daughter's hair.

Claire remained silent. She'd never had this sort of exchange with her mother before. To be totally honest, it sort of scared the hell out of her.

Meredith had more to say. She had to tell her daughter this wasn't her fault, that she didn't do anything wrong.

"It was never your fault Claire. It was mine. I was the one with the emotional baggage. I knew how you felt and how it affected you and I should have been more responsible, I shouldn't have let it go that far. I never wanted you to hate me." Meredith said quietly.

She'd never hated her mother. She'd had some nasty disagreements and indulged in a few angry thoughts, but she'd never hated her. But she could see why Meredith would think that. After all, she'd done everything she could to distance herself from her mother.

"I don't hate you mom. I… I didn't know you well enough to hate you." Claire replied honestly.

The words stung. They might've been true but they still stung. "I deserved that. But I do want you to know that I'm glad you're here." Meredith told her daughter.

"Truth be told, I'm glad I came. I wasn't bargaining on meeting my father, but I'm still glad I came, nonetheless." Claire replied.

Meredith winced at the words. "Trust me, I wasn't betting on him being here either." She remarked, her voice neutral, impossible to read.

Claire said nothing as she helped her mother out of the car. "You know he didn't come out of the kindness of his heart." Claire told her mother quietly, already wincing at the snappish response she was sure to get back.

Shockingly enough, her mother didn't snap. "I know he didn't. He still loves me." Meredith stated plainly. Her voice was void of emotion, and if anything, she sounded worn and tired.

"What are you going to do about it?" Claire pushed. She wasn't going to let up. This wasn't just one of her mother's exes, he was her father, and she wasn't prepared to give him up, but she wasn't prepared to choose between them either.

"I don't know…" Meredith replied as they finally made it through the front door.

"He's not going to just leave…." Claire reminded her mother, pulling her coat off, as well as her mother's. She was still waiting for her mother to snap, shout, get angry, say something nasty.

To be fair to Meredith, she was doing her best to keep her cool, to keep herself on an even keel. She'd just had an incredibly long overdue conversation with her daughter, her only child, and she didn't want to ruin it with a snide comment.

"Believe me, if anyone knows that, I do. He won't leave unless I tell him too." Meredith said as Claire settled her at the kitchen table.

"Are you going to tell him to leave?" Claire asked, continuing her interrogation.

"I haven't decided yet. What about you? Are you going to leave?" Meredith returned, swiftly turning the tables on her daughter.

Claire shifted uncomfortably in her chair across from her mother. She knew that question was coming.

"I don't know. I quit my job. I still have my house. If you send my father away, he'll go back to New York. That's not too far from Boston. So you can see how I'd be torn." Claire replied honestly.

Meredith did understand. She hadn't given her daughter a lot of reason to stay, especially if she sent Derek off.

"So the only way you'll stay is if Derek stays?" Meredith questioned, her voice low and soft.

Claire hadn't intended for it to come out that way or for it to be interpreted that way.

"No. That's not what I'm saying. This isn't about taking sides or picking a parent. I don't have a favorite or a preference. I don't know my father, I haven't known him for 30 years. And you, I barely know you…." Claire said softly.

Meredith knew she couldn't really argue with that. "If it matters… I want you to stay." She told her daughter quietly.

Claire didn't exactly know what to do with all this information. Luckily for her, she didn't have to answer, the phone rang, saving her from dealing with the issue at hand.

Meredith grabbed the cordless phone, answering it. "No Derek, you do not need to come over. I'm fine. I've got everything under control. No. NO!" She snapped into the phone.

Claire knew where this was going. She quickly grabbed the phone from her mother, mouthing an apology to her as she scooted out of the room, phone in hand.

"Hey." She said into the phone, greeting her father.

"Claire. How is she?" He asked, his voice full of concern.

She smiled at the worried tone of his voice. It had only been a couple hours since he'd seen her, but it was clear he didn't like being away from her. A mischievous grin overtaking her face as an idea slowly took shape in her mind.

"She's actually doing well, despite her tone with you. I know she told you not to come over, but I think you should anyways. Mom wants some alone time with Ava and I was thinking about going out to dinner. You could come over after I leave… You haven't had a lot of time with your granddaughter, and it's not like she can throw you out." Claire suggested, keeping her tone neutral but secretly praying to God that he'd say yes.

Derek debated the idea for a moment. He wanted to see Meredith and he certainly would love the opportunity to spend more time with his newly acquired granddaughter.

"I'm in. What time are you leaving?" He asked.

"7. I'll leave the front door open for you." She told him. They said their goodbyes and hung up.

Claire sighed and glanced at the clock. It was 3:30. A little late to ask for a dinner date, but she could always try.

She quickly dialed the number before she chickened out. He came on the line after the second ring. "Feel like taking me to dinner?" She asked coyly.

"Let me get this straight, you're calling _me_ to ask _me _to take _you_ to dinner?" He questioned, his voice full of laughter.

"Is that a problem?" She challenged, biting her lip to keep from laughing herself.

"I never said it was, just clarifying." He shot back jokingly.

"Pick me up at 7." She told him and hung up.

NEXT…. DEREK AND MEREDITH SPEND TIME WITH THEIR GRAND DAUGHTER.

AN: This story is coming to an end. Probably within the next couple chapters, so review and make it good!!!


	17. Sitting Waiting Wishing

Thank you all so much for the great reviews!! I love it!!

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 17: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Meredith had been playing (as best she could) with Ava in the living room for 15 minutes when she heard the front door open and close. She figured Claire had forgotten something, so she didn't bother going to see her, she just kept playing Uncle Wiggly with Ava.

"Grandpa!" Ava shrieked. At this, Meredith froze. _No, not this… Not him… Not now._ She rotated her chair around until she was facing exactly what she'd just prayed she wouldn't. _Well, I guess God does have a sense of humor._

"Derek." She greeted coolly.

He'd expected that reaction, given their past few days. "Meredith. Retract your claws, I'm here to see my granddaughter." He told her, lying through his teeth.

Meredith narrowed her eyes at her counterpart. "You just happened to come by to see your granddaughter while I'm alone with her? That's not a coincidence Derek, that's a set up." She replied coldly.

He had a feeling she'd see right through it, so he decided the best thing to do was to come clean. "I'm moving back to Seattle Meredith." He confessed softly as he came into the room and sat down on the couch.

She sat back in her wheelchair with a resounding thump. _He's staying because of Claire and Ava, not because of you… _"You know, she hasn't made up her mind about staying yet." Meredith told him.

"I know that, and if she chooses to go back to Boston, then I'll make sure I visit… Often. But that won't stop me from moving here." He told her, scooting a little closer.

Ava had flipped on the TV a few moments before and was deeply involved with the latest episode of Blues Clues.

"Why Derek? You've been in New York for 30 years and now you want to come back?" She questioned, unable to keep the slightly nasty tone out of her voice, despite her granddaughter's presence.

"You." He replied wearily as he sank back in the couch, rubbing a hand over his face.

She took a moment to digest that. _He's staying to make sure I make a complete recovery?! I'm a doctor… I'm surrounded by doctors…_ "Derek, you don't need to stay through my recovery, I'm quite capable of seeing myself through my recovery, not to mention, several of my closest friends are doctors." She pointed out, satisfied with her answer.

_She just doesn't get it…_ He leaned forward and grabbed onto the arms of her wheelchair and pulled her to him. "You are impossibly stubborn and at times, incredibly dense. I am moving out here, not because Claire might, not because I want to see you through recovery, but because I LOVE YOU. I want to be with you. I miss you. I need you. Let me, please…. Just let me… Let me love you, let me be here… I can't go back there now, not after all this." He whispered, clutching her hands between his.

She swallowed, silently cursing herself for allowing the tears to run down her face. "Mere, please… I know time has changed us and we're older, we've changed… I get all that, but Mere… One thing has never changed…. You were ALWAYS my last thought before falling asleep at night and the first thing that came to mind the next morning, and too not be able to roll over and hold you after that, it hurt like hell." He continued, hoping, praying she was convinced.

She expelled a breath she didn't even know she was holding. He'd just said everything she didn't know she'd been waiting to hear for the past 30 years. _I think I'm supposed to respond to this, I'm supposed to do something… Say something…_

"Now? You say this now? 30 years later? When I'm old and wrinkled and ugly and crippled?!?" She exclaimed in a loud whisper.

He had no choice but to smile at this. "I may be saying it now… But I've been feeling it for 30 years. I… I was a coward. I made the wrong choice. I should have been here. I wanted to be here. It may have taken me 30 years… But Mere, I'm here, right here, right now… Is that worth anything to you?" He asked softly, pulling her hands into his own.

She told herself to pull back, to pull away, to push him, yell at him, scream… But she couldn't… His hands felt too good, too right…. _He's waiting… You have to answer, you have to respond._

REVIEW


	18. At Last

Sorry for the delay… I moved this month, had surgery, it's not been fun….

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 18: At Last

Meredith sighed and offered the barest shadow of a smile. "It's not going to be like it was 30 years ago." She told him, her voice low.

He smiled softly. "I know. There's nothing wrong with that. We aren't the same people that we were then." He reminded her.

"This is going to be complicated." She warned him, keeping her hands in his.

He chuckled at her. "Would you stop trying to talk me out of this? I don't care that it's going to be complicated or that it won't be like it was then. I don't want it to be. I just want to be with you, can't that be enough?" He asked, his voice pleading with her.

He was right. None of it mattered. "Yes Derek, it's enough." She whispered. They simultaneously glanced in the direction of their granddaughter, who was now fast asleep on the floor, the soft voices of Blues Clues muffling their voices.

IAN AND CLAIRE

"So let me get this straight…. Your parents are at home… With your child… Fighting it out?" He asked, his eyes filled with amusement.

She giggled a little. "OK… So it might be a bit hare brained… But I'm hoping they'll at least be speaking civilly before I make my decision…." She trailed off.

Silence overtook the table. They'd been dancing around the subject of her leaving for awhile now and it was starting to get to Ian.

"Are they…. Are they the only ones you're basing your decision on?" He asked, looking down at his food, too afraid to even look at her.

She was slightly confused. "What do you mean?" She asked, setting her wine glass down.

He lifted his gaze. "Your parents…. Are they the only factors in your decision?" He clarified, unable to resist the urge to wince as the words came out.

She said nothing at first, as she tried to form words to fit her statement. "I don't know Ian… I hadn't expected everything that's happened…. None of this… It's been…" She felt like an idiot, just babbling not even forming coherent sentences.

"I'm in love with you." He cut off her rambling, startling her in the process.

She swallowed hard, attempting to make sense of what he'd just said. She opened her mouth to speak but he stopped her.

"Look, I know this sounds… A little insane. But ever since you came back… Claire, I'm no good at this kind of stuff. But I love you… I've loved you since I knew what that word meant. When you left, I hated it. I thought about coming to Boston all the time. When I found out you were pregnant… I wanted to be there… And I wanted it to be mine, not someone else's… I've waited a long time for you… And I'd damn near given up… But here we are… You're right in front of me… And you're trying to make this really difficult choice, and I really should feel like an ass for asking to be a part of it, I really should…. But see, I don't. I don't because I love you. I've loved you for years and I guarantee that no one will ever, ever, care about you the way I do. I promise that. I would stake my life on it. Now I'm not asking to you to marry me or anything, I'm just-" He started, realizing perhaps he should back off a notch, give the girl room to breathe.

But no such luck, because now it was her turn to cut him off. Never in a thousand years had she expected any man, let alone this man, to make her feel the way she did at this very moment. He loved her. He wanted her…And Ava. And she could barely believe it, but she wanted him… Just as much, if not, maybe a little bit more.

"Ask me." She told him, stopping his rambling.

He went slack jawed as he was silenced by those two words.

"Wha…Huh? What… Ask you…To…Ask?" He fumbled, fully unprepared for her request.

"Ask me Ian. Ask me to marry you." She repeated, holding his gaze, pleading with him to mean what he was saying… To follow through with her request. Never so badly had she wanted to be with someone as much as she wanted him. She couldn't leave… Not without this.

He picked his jaw up off the table and took her hands in his. He gazed into the eyes that he'd never forgotten… The eyes he'd wanted his children to have. He gazed into those eyes and saw the emotions in her eyes… He saw in her eyes what he felt in his heart. _She means it… She really wants me to do this… She wants to be with me. _

"Marry me."

BACK TO DEREK AND MEREDITH

Derek kept his eyes on her face. It was enough… He was enough. Finally… It was enough. There were no more hang ups, no more skeletons… Just them. Slowly he moved towards her, keeping his eyes trained on hers the whole time.

Meredith let her eyes flutter shut as she felt the briefest of kisses brush across her lips. It sent tingles rushing down her spine and butterflies swooping in her stomach. She didn't think it was even possible for her to still feel this way. Apparently, it was.

He felt his heart jump at the sensation of her lips against his. He hadn't forgotten this feeling, merely it had traveled to the farthest corner of his mind, only pulled out every once in awhile when he was feeling lonely.

After a moment of soft kissing, he pulled back. "I can't believe I walked away from this. From you." He whispered, brushing a stray hair from her eyes.

Her eyes twinkled like they had 30 years before as she returned his small smile. "Me neither." She whispered, watching him chuckle at the sense of humor she'd kept a secret until now.

"Glad to see that's still intact." He told her as he helped her from her chair to the couch, then settling down on the couch next to her.

"What?" She questioned, briefly thrown off by his hand drawing hers to his lap.

"Your wicked sense of humor. It's one of your best qualities, I'm glad to see it's still there." He explained, keeping his voice low for fear of waking Ava.

"It's always been there Derek… It just retreated…." She replied, not finishing the rest of the sentence because they were past the petty jabs.

Derek wasn't letting her off the hook, he knew what had been implied and he knew she'd come close to saying it.

"Just like I did." He filled in for her, watching her expression, waiting to see her reaction.

"Stop that." She commanded, reddening slightly at his words.

"Stop what?" He returned, his tone light and a hint of teasing obvious.

"Doing that thing where you know what I'm going to say. It freaks me out, like you can read my mind or something." She shot back. She tried to keep her face stern, but she felt a smile pulling at the corners of her eyes… Of her mouth.

He couldn't contain the smile on his face. "Can I ask you a favor?" He questioned softly.

She allowed the corners of her mouth to lift a bit. "Sure" She replied softly.

"Marry me."

OK So it's getting sappy…. But I can't help it… I'm in love with this story… So

REVIEW


	19. Love & Happiness

These characters aren't mine.

The plot is mine.

Don't steal my plot, that's mean.

Reviews are my lifeblood.

Beautiful Mess

Chapter 19: Love & Happiness

Meredith felt her throat go dry. Of all the things he was supposed to say, that was not it supposed to be one of them.

She licked her lips, drawing some saliva, hoping to wet her throat.

"Meredith?" Derek questioned, his voice breaking through her haze.

She jerked her eyes up to his, only to be face to face with a ring, diamonds set in a platinum band, circling the metal entirely.

_He'd come over here planning to do this…_ She realized.

She looked up at him, clarity visible in her eyes.

"You were planning this since before you even came over…?" She faded off, still not entirely trusting her words.

He met her gaze, his eyes soft. He smiled. "Meredith, I've been planning this for a lot longer than that." He said with a slight grin.

He reached out and took her hand in his. "Mere, I made a lot of mistakes before. I'm not trying to fix what I did, I'm not trying to re-create the past. All I want is just to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted that 30 years ago, and I want it now. Think you can live with that?" He asked, ending on a teasing note.

"I think I can deal with that." She replied with a small smile.

He leaned in, pressing a kiss to her lips, which she gladly reciprocated. They broke apart after a moment and he slipped the ring out of the box and slid it on her left finger.

IAN AND CLAIRE

She was surprised at how easily the words came for him. It wasn't that she'd been joking when she'd suggested it, because she hadn't. It was that she didn't expect him to so willingly agree.

"You know, it's sort of cruel to tell a guy to ask you to marry him and then just sit there…" He said, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She looked up, startled. She offered a smile. "I guess I just didn't expect you to do it so willingly." She explained, her cheeks red from embarrassment.

He cocked his head at her explanation. "You told me to ask you to marry me… Were you kidding?" He asked, suddenly unsure of what he'd just done.

She was quick to correct him. "NO!! No, nothing like that!! I just, I didn't… I don't know. I expected you to tell me to slow down, to give me reasons not to do this. I didn't think you'd be so willing…" She trailed off, suddenly self conscious.

"What I don't get is why you think you're so 'unmarriable'. Most guys would fall all over themselves just to be able to buy you a drink. You just told me to ask you to marry you. Why wouldn't I want to be that guy?" He asked softly, feeling more and more like he was defending doing the one thing she'd told him to do.

"My daughter will never know her father because he didn't think I was 'marriable'. I loved him more than I loved myself. I didn't think I'd ever love again, and more importantly, I wasn't sure anyone could love me again." She elaborated.

"Well, you won't know until you give someone a chance. You could start with me and saying yes to the question I just asked you." He suggested.

She looked up, meeting his eyes for the first time.

"Yes."

So I know it's short but it's coming to a close within the next two chapter and this was a good place to end it.

REVIEW


	20. Epilogue

So this is the end… I'll admit, it's been hard to find inspiration due to recent episodes….

Beautiful Mess

Epilogue:

IAN & CLAIRE

Ian and Claire went on to get married 5 months after his proposal. She agreed to move to Seattle and they lived in the house he'd started building… The one he'd built with her in mind. She gave birth to 2 other children, a boy named Derek Alexander and a girl named Elise Mae.

Claire kept on working at Seattle Grace, and relationship with her mother continued to improve, and she finally got to know her father, her mother's one and only love of her life.

MEREDITH AND DEREK

Derek moved into the Grey household. They married in a quiet ceremony on Derek's old property, where he'd lived, in his trailer, for all those years. The trailer was still there and that's exactly where the two of them spent their honeymoon, holed up in the trailer, making up for lost time.

They had 15 happy years together before Derek passed away quietly, in his sleep. Meredith retreated to the trailer once again, seeing only her daughter and grandchildren. She lived out the rest of her days there.

It might have been a messy life at some points, but it all led to a beautiful ending.

THAT'S IT.

Thanks for reading.


End file.
